An Open Letter to Parents, Teachers & Administrators Now That School Is Officially Closed
Streaming, Path of Exile & The Repetition Compulsion
As many of you know I have begun streaming. My goal in doing this is to both have some fun, and reach a wider audience when talking about psychodynamic concepts. This is my latest attempt, in which I talk about the Repetition Compulsion in terms of farming for a unique sword in the game Path of Exile. Keep in mind that the conversation about the repetition compulsion during the stream if for a general audience, and should not be substituted for seeking out medical advice or a mental health professional. My hope is that you’ll share it with the gamers in your life, therapy practice, class, etc. And of course if you sign up to follow my Twitch channel I’d be delighted!
Find this post interesting? I can speak in person too: Click here for Public Speaking info & Press Kit. And, for only $4.99 you can buy my book. 🙂
Taking Leaps: Fortnite, HIPAA & Psychotherapy
“You keep dying,” Sam* said. The annoyance in the 9 year old’s voice was palpable. I looked at my avatar lying face down on the screen. Another of the 100 players in the game, appearing as a brunette woman in sweats sporting a ponytail, was doing a victory dance with her rifle over me. Sam was nowhere to be seen on the screen, but I knew he was hiding somewhere in the game, and seething.
“You’re disappointed in me,” I said calmly. A moment of quiet.
“Yeah.”
“You were hoping I’d be better at this, as good as you or maybe better, and it’s frustrating.”
“Yeah… Can we try again?”
And so we tried again and again, and while we did I talked with Sam about the other adults who were disappointments to him, who kept leaving or letting him down. And I guessed that we were also talking about his frustration and disappointment in himself. And at the end of our appointment I promised I would practice Fortnite, the game we had been playing. We had turned on our webcams again so we could see each other to finish the session, so I could see that he brightened at this idea.
“Nice to see you again,” I said. He smiled faintly.
“You too.” His screen went dark.
As I reflect on the work I do with patients, meeting them where they are at, I am struck by the same issues, opportunities, and conversations that can happen in an online play therapy session. I only wish more of my colleagues would try it. What gets in the way? For some it is a dismissal of emerging technologies which masquerades a fear of trying something new. For others it is a worry about running afoul of HIPAA and being sued. If you are one of those people who wonders about how to integrate video games online into your therapy practice, read on.
* * * * *
Quick, without Googling it; what does the “P” in HIPAA stand for?
If you are a psychotherapist or other health provider, you probably guessed “privacy.” At least that’s often the consensus when I ask this question at my talks. It would be understandable if this was your guess. You’d be wrong.
The correct answer is “portability,” the basic premise that individuals have the right to healthcare treatment that moves with them as they go through the vicissitudes of life and work. That is also where technology comes in– electronic health records, telemedicine, etc., are ways that technology increases portability by collapsing time and space so that the patient and the healthcare professional can get to work.
In therapy, that work traditional has happened in an office setting. And in the case of children and youth especially, that meant play therapy which was bounded by the space and time of a physical office. From Uno to Sandtrays to the infamous “Talking Feeling Doing Game,” we have often assumed that play therapy needs to be the games of our own childhoods. But 21st century play can, and I maintain should, include 21st century play. That’s where video games come in.
In the days of the Atari 2600, there was no worry about patient privacy, because the system was hooked up directly to a television that didn’t even need to be connected to cable. But nowadays with SmartTVs, PCs and PS4s, video games are often played online with many other people and seamlessly connected to voice chat. This can be a concern for the psychotherapist who is unfamiliar with newer technology, especially with games like Fortnite, which boast Battle Royales having as many as 100 players at a time in the same game instance.
Videoconferencing programs and online therapy using video/audio chat have been around long enough to have specifications that adapt to HIPAA’s privacy requirements, largely because there is market force behind developing products that can be sold to the healthcare industry. Video games and their platforms, on the other hand, do not have a similar demand to give them an incentive to supply. Games like World of Warcraft, Platforms like STEAM, and streaming services like Twitch were designed for gamers, not therapists, and it is unlikely they will go through the technical and legal procedures to become HIPAA compliant anytime soon.
Some therapists have begun developing their own video games, which, like most therapy games are dismally boring. They are thinly veiled therapy interventions that are disguised as play, but lack any of the true qualities of play. True, they are more likely private; but they are also boring, and easily recognizable as “not playful” by patients. Mainstream games have broader appeal, critical user mass, and better graphics and gameplay in many cases, and are more immediately relevant to the patient’s life. But they are definitely not HIPAA-compliant. So what to do?
* * * * *
My solution, which I’m sharing as an example that has not been reviewed by policy experts, lawyers or the like, has two parts:
- Due Diligence– Research the existing privacy settings and technologies to maximize benefit and minimize risk to patient privacy. So for example, I structure the “talk” part of therapy to happen over HIPAA-compliant software like Zoom or GoToMeeting. We start on that platform with video camera on, until we begin playing. Then we, turn off the camera to save on bandwidth and talk over this software, not the game. Previously, I will have sent the patient or their parent a snapshot of the settings of the game we are using with the voicechat disabled if possible. We also want to lower or turn off the game sound so we can hear each other. So in the case of Fortnite, the settings would look like this:
2. Limited HIPAA Waiver- This is the part most therapists overlook as even being a possibility. You can ask patients to sign a release waiving in a limited capacity their HIPAA rights in order to use noncompliant technology. It is entirely voluntary and I’ve yet to have a patient decline. I use a informed consent form that I developed that looks like this:
These are examples of how to engage with online technologies in a clinical way that is thoughtful yet forward-moving.
* * * * *
Whether you love Freud or hate him, most experts agree that he was one of the fathers of modern psychiatry. He was also an early adopter. He based his hydraulic model of the drives on steam technology of his era. His concept of the “mental apparatus” was likewise integrated from the advances in mechanics and his formulation of ego defenses such as projection occurred simultaneously with the Lumiere brothers’ creation and screenings of motion pictures. Regulatory concerns aside, therapists can be early adopters. Doing so would probably help our patients no end, and definitely cut down on my waitlist.
* “Sam” is based on several patients whose identifying information has been disguised to protect patient privacy.
Find this post interesting? I can speak in person too: Click here for Public Speaking info & Press Kit. And, for only $4.99 you can buy my book. 🙂
The Crisis Behind Crises
So far in 2018 alone, I have worked nationwide with the aftermath of one homicide/suicide in a video game server community; one threat issued over another; and 3 new requests for consultations from clinicians on how to improve their work with families and individuals related to online technology. Schools are now fielding multiple incidents of threatening language in chat rooms that get brought to their attention, and not necessarily handling them well. Multiple arraignments in district courts are pending because someone expressed violent language on gaming servers that was deemed threatening. Youth are ending up on probation for this.
I know, you’re probably thinking that I’m about to blame the technology, the erosion of family values, the rise of violence or some other social ill. I’m not. As I reflect over several of these cases, the common symptom I see is not mental illness or family dysfunction, but a crisis in digital literacy.
What all of these cases have in common is that before they got to the emergent stage, there were several opportunities for kids to solve their own problems; for educators to teach; for parents to engage or for therapists to help; if they’d seen the opportunities and had some education in digital literacy. Too often we see the end result of our dismissing or demonizing tech use. “Just leave the server, or Facebook,” we say, unintentionally further isolating kids. “You need to stop playing so many video games,” we opine, citing sketchy research to take away the one thing a person may experience some competency doing.
As a therapist and educator who has worked for the past twenty-five years with emerging technologies in mental health, I have been helping schools, clinics and workplaces identify vulnerabilities before, during and after crises. I assure you that before is the most useful and least utilized. I’m hoping you and your administrators will consider doing this differently. I have started offering custom educational offerings on Healthy Boundaries in the Digital Age, and you can find out more about it here. I’m still doing my other presentations as well.
Find this post interesting? I can speak in person too: Click here for Public Speaking info & Press Kit. And, for only $4.99 you can buy my book.
Mindfulness, Minecraft & The I Ching
Video Games can be a form of mindfulness meditation, both playing and watching them. The Grokcraft Staff take you on a meditative creative session as we begin to build our I Ching Sculpture Park. Watch, listen, and enjoy..
For more info on joining the Grokcraft project, go to http://grokcraft.com . We are launching Grokcraft with an introductory subscription of $9.99 a month, & subscribers who join now will be locked in at that rate for as long as they are subscribed. If any of this appeals to you, please check out our new site at http://grokcraft.com & please spread the word to anyone you think might find this resource useful!
Find this post interesting? I can speak in person too: Check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info. And, for only $4.99 you can buy my book. You can also Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Evocation and Mindfulness: Or, How to Think Better
Like other art forms, video games can be both a mirror and a candle held up to our culture, at times reflecting it and at times revealing things about it. Normally I direct my posts primarily at people: therapists, gamers, educators, parents. But today I want to include the company that produces World of Warcraft as well. We have a crisis regarding thinking, and although I don’t think WoW created it at all, it has reflected it in a recent game mechanic change.
I am referring to a change mages that happened recently, where the spell Evocation was replaced by Rune of Power. For people not familiar with the game, here’s a simple explanation. Mages cast spells, but spells require an energy called mana, which gets used up gradually as you cast spells. How much mana you start with depends on your character’s intellect, and once you have used up your mana, you can’t cast any more spells until it is replenished. To replenish it you can either wait and it will gradually return (not the greatest idea in combat,) or eat and drink (not possible while you are in combat.) Or you could in the older days cast Evocation, which meant you stood in place as the spell was going, gain 15% of your total mana instantly and another 45% of your total mana over 6 sec. Move or get attacked, and the spell broke.
This recently was replaced with Rune of Power, which places a rune on the ground, which lasts for 1 min. While standing within 5 yds of it, your mana regeneration is increased by 75% and your spell damage is increased by 15%. You have to keep remembering to replace it every minute, but that’s not the problem. It may even be an easier game mechanic, but that’s not the problem either. My problem with it is how it reflects our dysfunctional attitude about thinking, and specifically our tendency to think of thinking as separate from doing something.
We live in a culture where people frequently worry about things, and in fact have ruminations that are intrusive. Many people report feeling hijacked by their minds with worrying or intrusive thoughts. And yet at the same time, few of us seem to mark our time and set it aside specifically for thinking. We schedule appointments to do things, but thinking isn’t one of them. We treat thinking, which is intangible, as if it can occur in the same space as doing other activities that are more observable and tangible. And then we are surprised when our minds rebel and hijack our thinking with thoughts and feelings that come unbidden, when all along we have been failing to cultivate the practice of intentional, mindful thinking about things.
This is where I think Blizzard and Wow initially had it right with Evocation. It was acknowledging an important truth, that Thinking IS doing something, and when done intentionally it occupies time and has benefits. Sure you weren’t able to do other things while casting Evocation, but isn’t that the point? In the real world, when you want to think deeply and seriously about something, you really do need to be intentional about it, and make a space in your day to do it. Rune of power definitely embraces the multitasking model, which encourages you to set up a rune and then go about your other business while keeping half an eye on it to know when to refresh. Multitasking is not inherently a bad thing, but there are times and places that intentional thinking may be more appropriate and less anxiety-provoking.
Part of helping patients learn to manage worrying is often to help them set up a specific time for worrying about things. This “worry time” can be a placeholder in the day or week which the patient uses when an intrusive worry enters into their thinking: They can dismiss it by deciding to put that on the agenda for the scheduled worry time. This is a way of training your mind to be intentional about what you choose to think about and when. But implicit in this is the idea that training your mind to think about things intentionally is a learned skill.
You can apply this to many different aspects of your life and work. If you are growing your private practice, when was the last time you set aside an hour to think deeply about your business plan or clinical focus. I’m not talking about daydreaming here, I’m talking about sustained intentional thought. Clinically, do you set aside supervision time to think deeply about patients? As students do you take 15 minutes after each article to think specifically about the reading? As parents, when was the last time you said to your co-parent, let’s make a time to think together about how our child is doing in life at home and school. Classroom teachers, when was the last time you asked students to take 5 minutes and think quietly about the classroom topic?
Another challenge here is the confusion of tongues around the concept of thinking. Self-help gurus often exhort us to stop thinking about things and JUST DO IT. But I don’t think they are talking about intentional thinking, I think they are talking about reactive or intrusive thinking. Procrastination is reactive thinking, worrying can be intrusive thinking. Those are often roadblocks to success, but the form of thinking I have been referring to is perhaps better described as a form of concentration meditation. Concentration meditation has come to be seen by many of us as concentrating on an image, or a candle, or chanting, or a revered object, but that is not necessarily the case, and in fact it is limiting.
What if your idea is the revered object? What if your thought process about your work, child, patient, class is worthy of your undivided attention? What if you were to schedule a specific time to think about a certain project?
If you are one of those detractors who say, “I just don’t have time to think,” I don’t buy it. Thinking time is not a luxury item, although it may be a learned discipline to set aside a few minutes at a time to do it. So please take a second and schedule a time on your calendar to think about an idea that is important to you. Schedule a time to hold your random worries and thoughts and show up at that appointed time to seriously consider them. I suspect this will free up more mental space and time than you may imagine.
And please Blizzard, bring back Evocation. I miss it, and the important life lesson in mindfulness it has to teach us.
Like this post? I can speak in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info. And, for only $4.99 you can buy my book. You can also Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Avatars & The Curated Self
If I ever meet James Cameron, I hope I will remember to ask him if it was a coincidence that he chose to the make the aliens blue. His movie, Avatar, garnered 3 Academy Awards for it’s epic tale of humanity’s encounter with the Na’Vi, largely through the creation of avatars, body forms that humans beam their consciousness into so they can mingle and fraternize with the locals.
The concept of the avatar comes originally from Hinduism, and refers to the concept of a God or Supreme Being deliberately descending to earth in a manifest form. One of the most popular gods for doing this is Vishnu, also blue. The concept of avatar in Hinduism is more complicated than this, but the piece of it that pertains to this post is the general concept of the attempt of a supreme being to incarnate part of itself to enter the world. There is an inherent diminution or derivative quality to it.
If you are more familiar with video games than Hinduism, you are probably more familiar with the concept of an avatar meaning the graphical representation of the player’s character in the game. When we play Pac-Man, our avatar manifests in the video game as a little yellow circle with a mouth that races around gobbling dots. Over the decades games and graphics have become capable of more sophisticated avatars ranging from the Viking-like Nords of Skyrim to the soldiers of Call Of Duty. As these video game worlds proliferate, players descend into them with avatars of many shapes, sizes and species. Some games, like Eve Online, allow you to customize the features of your avatar extensively; others allow you to pick from a limited number. We are always diminished by the process of taking on an avatar. Even if the powers an avatar has in the video game world are immense, it is derivative of the complexity of being human.
What is interesting is that most of us use avatars every day online, we just never realize it. Video games are just one form of social media, and avatars abound in all of them. The graphic may be as simple as our picture next to a blog post or comment, or a video on Youtube. But in the 21st century most of us are digital citizens and use one form of avatar or another. Some people in the world will only ever know us through our avatar in a video game or Second Life. And yet we know something of each other.
I think more and more of us are becoming aware of the connection between the avatar and the curated self, the aspects of our psychological self we choose to represent online. The curated self is the part of ourselves we have some ability to shape, by what we disclose, what graphics we choose, and how we respond to others. Like an avatar, the curated self at its best is deliberate. I say at its best, because although the curated self is in our care, we can also be careless with it.
Recently I posted a video of myself on my YouTube channel entitled “Should Therapists & Social Workers Post Videos Of Themselves On YouTube?” In making the video I chose to wear a bike helmet, and by the end of the post was using the bike helmet as an example of the risks we take when we opt to attempt innovation of our curated self. The video was designed to inspire critical discussion and thinking, and it did just that. In some groups where it appeared people described the video and points it was illustrating as “brilliant.” Other groups interpreted it as an instructional video on how to advertise your therapy practice and lambasted it. There was a myriad of responses, and I’m sure even more from people who opted not to comment on it. I received a number of likes of it, and a number of dislikes.
What I think is important and instructional here was how people began to comment through their avatars as if they were addressing the whole person I am rather than an avatar. And they made incorrect assumptions ranging from my age to my motives. The bike helmet and my posture on the video became the target for some incredible nastiness disguised as constructive criticism. From the safety of their own avatars they hurled some invectives at who they thought I was and what they thought I was doing in front of an audience of other avatars who alternately joined in, were silent, emailed me privately to offer words of support, or publicly commented on what they saw. The irony to me was that people began to demonstrate all of the roles we encounter in “cyberbullying,” which was part of what the video also touched on. In a perhaps not surpising parallel process, we got to see and play out the sorts of dynamics that our patients and children experience all the time.
We need to remember that every avatar is a derivative of the person. It is connected enough that we have attachments and responses to it. We can feel proud or ashamed, hurt or healed through our avatars. In fact, research from Nick Yee on “The Proteus Effect” has shown that playing a game with a powerful avatar for 90 seconds can give the player increased self-confidence that persists for up to 6 hours. It stands to reason that if someone experiences their avatar as weak or socially unacceptable for a brief time there may be lasting effects as well. Behind the guy in a bike helmet is someone else. He may be a faculty member at Harvard, a sensitive fellow, a father, a student, a man who just lost his partner, a person with a criminal record, or any, all or none of these. But he is always more than the derivative of his avatar. We need to practice being mindful of this and model it as we train others to be digital citizens. It is counterproductive to sound off on cyberbullying to our children or grandchildren, when they can Google us online and see us doing it ourselves.
We also need to help our patients, their families, and colleagues understand the active role we need to take in curating ourselves online. We need to understand what may happen when we put certain things out there. For therapists this includes the dilemma of putting out a curated self that resembles what kind of work you would do, while not disclosing or conveying more than you want the world to know. The example I always use with students and consultees is how I talk about my family but never who they are in particular. This is deliberate, because it is no big disclosure that I have a family, everyone on the planet has one of sorts with the possible exception of Dolly the cloned sheep. But beyond that I curate a private self, and let folks project what they may. If we put out comments describing patients or coleagues as “screwed up,” we are also curating ourself, I suggest poorly. We need to be mindful that most groups we participate online in are open and searchable. Many of my colleagues became therapists at least in part because they didn’t want to be known and thought the best defense was a good offense (“We’re here to talk about you, not me.”) They’re used to sharing the gallows humor with the team, and think the same applies to online. I’m with Rilke on this one: “for here there is no place/that does not see you. You must change your life.”
To paraphrase Wittgenstein, “our self is everything that is the case,” not just one avatar, blog, string of emails or video; not even the composite of all of them. Nor is our curated self everything that is the case. We’re more than our Facebook likes or our Twitter following. Human beings are so much more, much more wondrous and tragic than the curated self. We descend into the Internet and are diminished, but do bring some deliberate part of ourselves along. We will only ever know hints and glimmers of ourselves and each other online. As for the rest:
“Whereof one cannot speak, thereof one must be silent.” –Wittgenstein
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info. Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Bio Breaks
If you’re a therapist looking to join a group of innovative colleagues for supervision, you may want to take advantage of this. Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info. Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Minecraft & The Uncanny, Part 2
This is the second of a two part series on Minecraft. Up until now you could only read it if you bought my book, but I am posting it here to give you a sense of what the book is like. You can buy it here. More importantly, I’m hoping you will find the topic interesting enough to vote for my presentation proposal on Minecraft & Mindfulness for SXSW this year. You can do that here.
In Minecraft, nothing is present-at-hand, at least initially, until you realize that the ground you are running on or the mountain you are climbing aren’t just that, they are materials. You can dig up stone to make a furnace, then bake bricks out of clay, build a house and so on. The world gradually becomes ready-to-hand.
There is no avoiding the sense of throwness when you begin playing Minecraft. It comes with very few directions, although there is plenty of info on the web to be had. The downloadable beta allows you to play single and multi-player, with the single being a good way to practice the basic mechanics. The multiplayer version opens up a whole new vista.
The multiplayer game is hosted on individual servers all over the world, some of which you can log into for free, others for a small fee. Once logged in, the virtual world is a huge massively multiplayer sandbox, which can be a very social experience. The cooperative building in some of these worlds is incredible. My first journey to a server in France threw me into a world which included a vast underground city beneath a dome of molten lava. Players are allowed to explore the world, and at a certain distance from their neighbors mine, farm and build. Like Second Life, you can port to various places on the server, and encounter anything ranging from a Waterslide Park to a model of Hyrule, all built out of the game materials by the players.
Once in the multiplayer world, the social element of the game can become compelling. People on chat are offering to sell gold ingots, suits of armor they crafted, or tracts of land they have developed, for both in-game and out of game monies. You can have as much or as little to do with that as you like, and you can teleport to far-off corners of the map if you want to build and play in undeveloped lands.
In its simple mechanics, Minecraft allows us to glimpse the uncanny experience that I would suggest all video games have. Video games are a unique art form in that they are both interactive and aesthetic by nature. In fact they are far more stimulating and less anergic than watching television, and stimulate more regions of the brain.
Video games allow us to experience our throwness in a new world, and the animistic state of being inherent in the uncanny. We are never completely at home in the world of the game, although the game may become more familiar over time (or not, in the case of the indie game Limbo.) We are always just visiting, strangers in a strange land. But within the game world, mana and magic are also real, and our thoughts and strategies can quickly and permanently change the world.
Psychotherapy is in many ways, another sandbox game. There really is no way to win in it. The office becomes a setting for a potential space that can be shaped and altered by the patient and something new created. Psychotherapy is also an uncanny space, one that resembles the world outside the office and yet does not. It is a place for “everything that ought to have remained … secret and hidden but has come to light.” Within that space, the patient experiences hauntings by ghostly relationships from the past, encounters the internal monsters of the drives, and explores the wishes behind their secret injurious powers. Unexplored and avoided, these have calcified into symptoms, and the anxious, exciting, process of therapy helps the patient break down that calcification for a more flexible psyche.
Any child or gamer knows that play is a serious and dangerous business. There is always the risk of annihilation, and no place worth going to doesn’t have its hazards. But there are great treasures to be found in the game. Further, the emotional and intellectual changes encountered within the game can then be taken out of it into the daily life of the gamer. This is one of the reasons that video games are so compelling. Why else would people spend hours making houses out of pixel bricks?
Both psychotherapy and video games create very real thought and feeling states in people, and that is part of their curative power. In this book I hope I have shown that they can restore a sense of purpose and achievement that our patients have lost. I have discussed how they can help people stay connected with others over great distances in times of duress, help us feel the sense of achievement necessary to learn and change behaviors, and explore aspects of their personalities that may be less easily seen or developed in their daily lives. I have also explored how we can use the experience and metaphors from video games with patients to help them understand ego defenses, communication patterns and strategies that impact their relationships, and apply game mechanics to their lives to change them. I have tried to discuss the stigmatization of gamers and technology in terms of diversity, in particular social class. Finally, I hope I have shown how therapists can apply the principles from video games and gamification to impact both their clinical work and business skills.
All of this pales in comparison to doing the actual work, and by this I mean two things. The first and most obvious one is the practice of psychotherapy. Theory is a necessary but insufficient precursor to clinical practice and healing. The second piece of actual work will be for the therapist to begin playing some video games. Reading is not the same as doing, and it is only by entering the uncanny and enriching world of the video game that therapists can hope to truly understand them. Never has play been more important in our work, and never has understanding video games been more urgent in healing the world. To do so we need to rethink our attitudes and reconsider our biases towards gaming and technology.
It’s time to reset.
Gamer Therapist is on vacation, so we’ll see you in two weeks! In the meantime, please vote for our minecraft panel at SXSW!
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info. Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Minecraft & The Uncanny, Part 1
This is the first of a two part series on Minecraft. Up until now you could only read it if you bought my book, but I am posting it here to give you a sense of what the book is like. You can buy it here. More importantly, I’m hoping you will find the topic interesting enough to vote for my presentation proposal on Minecraft & Mindfulness for SXSW this year. You can do that here.
In 1919 Freud wrote and published an article on “The Uncanny.” In it he described the concept of the uncanny as a specific type of fear something both strange and familiar. It is worth noting that the article begins with an investigation into aesthetics, something that was not usually done in the medical literature of Freud’s time. But Freud realized that there was something particularly aesthetic about the uncanny. It is an anxiety that both draws on the aesthetic, and from a distance also acquires an aesthetic quality itself. In fact, it could be argued that a whole genre of fiction, such as Lovecraft, embodies the aesthetic of the uncanny.
In German, the uncanny is unheimlich, which translates literally to the “unhomely” or “unhomelike.” Here homely has a double meaning. First homely is the quality of domesticity, the warm hearth of the house, down comforters, a cheery cottage coziness, etc. Second, heimlich refers to concealment, contained within the house’s domestic sphere, hidden from the public eyes of outside society.
Seen in this light, the uncanny or unheimlich is both alien and a revelation or an exposure. Freud quotes Schelling as saying that ‘“Unheimlich” is the name for everything that ought to have remained … secret and hidden but has come to light..’” Is it any wonder that Freud took up exploration of this concept, with all of its allusions to the unconscious, anxiety, and societal repression?
Freud also talks about the element of repetition in the uncanny, such as arriving at certain places we’ve been to before, or noticing the number 62 appearing throughout the day in a variety of places. This element of repetition gives rise to the sense that there is a pattern that we may not be aware of, which in turn makes the world suddenly seem both stranger and more imbued with meaning.
Freud goes on to discuss something gamers will be very familiar with, mana, although he discusses it from outside the framework of fantasy as a form of magical thinking that attributes powers to the neurotic overvaluation of their thought processes and their impact on reality. But the game world is within the realm of fantasy. Within that world, what Freud refers to as “the Apparent death and the re-animation of the dead” are fairly commonplace. The game world returns us in many ways to the animistic state of being, characterized by “the prompt fulfilment of wishes, with secret injurious powers and with the return of the dead.”
The uncanny also figures largely in the philosophy of Martin Heidegger, and is connected to the idea of man’s “throwness” into the world. Human beings want to feel at home in the world, but when they encounter the uncanny they experience themselves as thrown into it and apart from it. For Heidegger the unheimlich eradicates our sense of Being-at-home-in-the-World, but as it does so it reveals something about the World to us.
For Heidegger the World is also revealed to us (and we are revealed as well) by that which is ready-to-hand, something that has a meaning that connects us to the world. An example is a hammer, which we experience as imbued with meaning and value and inextricably linked to human being. We don’t think about the hammer, in fact the only time we are really conscious of it is when it isn’t working. A similar example is your car, if you reflect on it you will probably notice that you only really pay attention to your car as a concept when it isn’t working.
As opposed to ready-to-hand, present-at-hand refers to an uninvested, detached way of looking at something, one that takes us out of any sort of meaningful relationship. Its meaning may be unclear and unconnected with human being at all. If I ask you what you’d like to do with that round green and red thing, you’ll be confused. But if you see it as an apple, things will become much clearer. It probably isn’t a coincidence, by the way, that most depictions of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden show the fruit as an apple. Before the Fall, everything is ready-to-hand and imbued with meaning. Afterwards, in our thrown state, things become less clear, and more uncanny. Paradise has been lost.
Ninety years after Freud wrote “The Uncanny,” Markus “Notch” Persson created the game Minecraft. Minecraft is a sandbox type of video game, meaning that the world generated can be permanently changed by the player. Creativity and survival is the goal, and there is no way to “win” the game. The premise of the game is that your character is thrown into a vast world designed with 8-bit graphics (think early Nintendo) with only your bare hands. The game has a day and night cycle, and at night zombies, skeletons, and other monsters come out and will attack you if you are exposed.
Everything in the game world can be destroyed and broken down into elements that can be crafted if you have the right ingredients. At first you have fewer options, because destroying a tree with your hands takes more time than if you had an axe. But slowly you gather materials so that you can build things that in turn allow you to build more things, so that you can hopefully build a shelter before night falls.
The landscape of the world is randomly generated by the game, and remains saved if you are killed. Dig a hole in the ground and it will be there when you return from the dead and to the game. The graphics are not realistic, with the blocky edges of 8-bit design, which underscores the uncanny element of the world. The world is vast, and looks like the real world, and also doesn’t. Minecraft is not trying to trick you into thinking it looks like real life, in fact that is one of the things that makes it so immersive.
Part 2, next week.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Tower Defense & Executive Functioning
Some of the most important tasks the human brain performs are known as the executive functions. According to the National Center for Learning Disabilities, executive function is “a set of mental processes that helps connect past experience with present action. People use it to perform activities such as planning, organizing, strategizing, paying attention to and remembering details, and managing time and space.” As such, the executive functions are crucial to the learning process over the life cycle.
Like many phenomenon in mental health, executive functions were focused on initially in regards to populations that had some deficits in them. With the advent and prevalence of the diagnosis of ADHD, as well as the study of learning and learning disabilities, educators and therapists began to become familiar with a concept that had previously been of most interest to neuroscientists. We still tend to think of executive functioning from a pathology-based approach, only paying attention to how they work when they don’t work.
The truth is everyone has executive functions, which are a combination of nature and nurture, and can develop well into adulthood. They can also deteriorate for a variety of reasons, from traumatic brain injury to Alzheimer’s disease. And there is a body of research which suggests that mental and physical exercise can help maintain, if not improve our executive functions as we age. Not surprisingly, as the Baby Boomers age, interest and research grows in this area. At both ends of the life cycle, our focus on the executive functions are widening beyond pathology to the optimal environments for human learning. How might we get better at planning, attending, strategizing, and managing time and space?
My suggestion: Start playing more tower defense games.
Tower defense is a particular genre of video games, one which in general focuses on on preventing the progress of an enemy army across a map. This is done by the use of towers which have varying abilities, costs to build, and points earned from downing enemies. You don’t necessarily need to have towers in the game: Plants Vs. Zombies for example is an example of a tower defense game where the plants are the equivalent of towers, with special abilities used to defend against the march of those pesky undead across the lawn.
More recently I have been fascinated with one of the latest iterations of tower defense games on the iPad, Kingdom Rush. You start out with a variety of maps and coins for building. You can use one of 4 basic tower types. There are barracks which have soldiers who can fight and slow down the invaders. There are artillery towers which drop bobs for an area wide (AOE) damage. There are marksman towers which target individuals and fire arrows or guns. Finally, there are magician towers with wizards firing spells of various types.
Each invading monster has different strengths and vulnerabilities, which are discovered by trying out different towers and noting their effects. As the invading army is always moving forward in waves, the time element requires you to plan which towers to build first, where to place them, and what upgrades to focus on. To do this requires a tremendous amount of strategy, organization and time management. You also need to make decisions, including how long to delay gratification. The more powerful towers require you to save up many more coins to buy them. Upgrades that you can select from a talent tree add another layer of choice and complexity.
In short, to succeed in Kingdom Rush you need to have good executive functions. It isn’t enough to have good hand/eye coordination or reaction time. You need to be able to learn from your past experiences, and often switch strategies midway through the game. You need to recall which towers are best for different situations and monsters. There is a map to be managed in space and a marching army and builders to manage in time. You need to recognize both immediate feedback and notice trends. And there are multiple towers and units to keep track of.
The more I play Kingdom Rush, the more struck I am by how many if not all of my executive functions are required to succeed. I can see where using this game could be both a useful assessment tool and intervention for deficits in EF. It also has reminded me how necessary executive functions are in terms of managing money as well. The ability to recall prices, to budget and pace spending, and set up investments that accrue value over time–all these economic experiences are embodied in the game.
Speaking of economy, you can try this game for free if you have a computer in your office or classroom here. And you can buy it for a whopping $2.99 for your iPad. Check it out, and see if you agree that it might be a fun, feedback rich way to challenge your executive functions.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Subscribe to the Epic Newsletter!
Harriet At Forty-Eight
If you never read the novel Harriet the Spy, I hope you will ASAP. My hope is that most children, parents and therapists have had a chance to read it already, because it has a lot to teach us about digital citizenship. You can get it on Amazon here.
Harriet spends a lot of time writing down things in her notebook. Truthful things. Unflattering things. And one day the notebook falls into the hands of her classmates, who read these things, and respond to her with anger. What I find interesting is the way Harriet’s friends, teachers, and parents respond. Their initial response is to take, or try to take, Harriet’s notebook. Of course Harriet gets another one. That’s not the problem.
Harriet the Spy was published in 1964. According to Wikipedia, at least one variation of the technology of the notebook had been around since 1888, and there are examples of its common usage in the early 1900s. This technology was prevalent long before the 1960s. No one says to Harriet that she has a “notebook addiction,” although her usage of it becomes problematic. In fact, her redemption in the book also comes from the same technology of the written word.
One of my favorite moments in Harriet the Spy comes in Chapter 14, when Harriet has her initial appointment with a psychiatrist. As they settle down to play a game, the psychiatrist takes out his analytic pad:
Harriet stared at the notebook. “What’s that?”
“A notebook.”
“I KNOW that,” she shouted.
I just take a few notes now and then. You don’t mind, do you?”
“Depends on what they are.”
“What do you mean?”
“Are they mean, nasty notes, or just ordinary notes?”
“Why?”
“Well, I just thought I’d warn you. Nasty ones are pretty hard to get by these days.”
“Oh I see what you mean. Thank you for the advice. No, they’re quite ordinary notes.”
“Nobody ever takes it away from you, I bet, do they?”
This vignette illustrates how the clinician is not above or apart from technology. Harriet’s psychiatrist uses it himself. And his response to her struggle and worry about using technology is an approach I’ve come to see as key: He doesn’t try to restrict her from using the technology, he engages her around its use and thinking about its use. He actually gives her a notebook, and then respects her usage of it when he lets her leave the office without taking it back or asking to see it.
He then recommends that her parents talk to the school about allowing her to use technology to amplify her thoughts and expression there, via the school newspaper. He also suggests that they use technology in the form of a letter written by Harriet’s old nanny to give her some advice and connection. Many will say that Ole Golly’s letter is the pivot point for Harriet in the story, but I’d suggest that the pivotal moment comes when the mental health practitioner doesn’t demonize technology (the notebook) or pathologize its usage, but rather leans on technology as an avenue into the patient’s forward edge transference.
Technology, as Howard Rheingold reminds us, is a mind amplifier. It can be used to amplify our memory in the form of notes, for example. It can also be a voice amplifier, for better or for worse.
If Harriet was around today, I imagine she would be on LiveJournal, perhaps with her settings on private, but on LiveJournal nevertheless. In fact, her LiveJournal notebook would probably be more secure than a notebook carried around on her person without encryption. But maybe she’d also be on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. And unless she had parents or teachers who talked to her about digital literacy, she might not know or care about privacy settings or mindful use of technology.
Every day, on Facebook or Twitter or other social media, people young and old post, and “drop their notebook” to be read by hundreds or thousands of people, who can amplify the notebook even further by liking, pasting, sharing or tweeting it. By comparison, Harriet’s class of 10-15 students seems paltry. When an adolescent complains about her ADHD medication on her status, or when a parent tweets how proud he is of his Asperger’s child, these nuggets of information, of expression, of identity formation are sent out into the world and amplified. Our work as therapists needs to be to help our patients understand the significance of what they are about to do to themselves and others when that happens. And to do that we need to understand the technology ourselves.
Few of us would consider giving Harriet a notebook as “feeding her addiction,” or giving her a hair of the dog that bit her. Yet, we level such technophobic claims on the social media and technology of our time, trying to focus on technology as an addictive substance rather than as a tool, and pathologizing its use far too quickly and easily. And we often join technophobia with adultism, when we try to intrude or control the use of technology by children and adolescents (note that I said “often,” not “always”)
When you look at some of the stories Harriet prints in the school newspaper, you have to marvel at the bravery of the educators in that school! How many of school administrators would allow entries like “JACK PETERS (LAURA PETER’S FATHER) WAS STONED OUT OF HIS MIND AT THE PETERS’ PARTY LAST SATURDAY NIGHT. MILLY ANDREWS (CARRIE ANDREWS’ MOTHER) JUST SMILED AT HIM LIKE AN IDIOT.” Can you imagine the parental phone calls, even though the parents were both the behavioral and quoted source for this story? Can you imagine kids being allowed to experience communication and learning with this minimal form of adult curation? But also, can you imagine parents saying that the problem is allowing access to the technology of writing a newspaper, and that the idea of a school paper should be abolished?
When you think about it, we live in an amazing era of the amplification of human thought and expression. Our children will need to learn how to manage that amplification in a way we still struggle to understand ourselves. I remember one notebook I dropped, when I was managing a staff of guidance counselors. I was very frustrated with the response of one of them to something, and wanted to share that with my supervisor. I thought it would be important to share my emotional response to this with someone I understood to have the role of helping me sort this stuff out, and I was being impulsive and cranky. I ended up sending the email to the staff instead. Boy, did that torpedo those relationships. But I did learn a lot about how to pay more attention to the power of technology, and that part of being a good digital citizen requires thoughtful use of ampliying your words and ideas!
Most of us probably have a notebook-we-dropped story we’d rather forget, but we need to remember them and share those stories with the up and coming generations as cautionary tales, and examples of good and poor digital citizenship. Ole Golly tells us, “Remember that writing is to put love in the world, not to use against your friends.” Writing, a technology we have come to understand a bit better since Gutenberg, can be used for good or ill; but we don’t ban it. Now we are all learning, albeit uncomfortably at times, how to handle the newer technologies of social media, digital communication, and video games. It may be a bit utopian to suggest that texting/tweeting/gaming/Facebook/blogging is to put love in the world. But the alternative seems to be that while some of us ignore, avoid or fear it, other people, governments and corporations will learn how to use it against our friends.
Embedded in Harriet the Spy is a quote from Lewis Carroll, which aptly describes where we find ourselves in the 21st century of social media: “‘The time has come,’ the Walrus said,/’To talk of many things:” Indeed, the chatter can be deafening, impulsive, hurtful and confusing. But the solution is to choose our words carefully, not to stop talking altogether.
Like this post? If you are interested in joining my upcoming online supervision group for therapists, please email me. There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Attention, Distraction & Creepers, Oh My!
Thinking, and Just Thinking
Originally I was going to title this post, “How to Make A Million Dollars as a Therapist Without Ever Having to Talk About Money.” And if I was just concerned about driving traffic to my blog and business, that would be the title. Because there are a lot of our colleagues out there who want to have a very successful business without having to deal with the sordid matter of coin. I used to think this was the number one reason that psychotherapists have a hard time being successful as entrepreneurs. I used to read, and agree with, several psychodynamic articles that have been written by colleagues which talk about how we feel shame around money, project our devaluation of ourselves by refusing to spend money on coaching or supervision, and have difficulty set fees and enforcing missed appointment charges with our patients because we feel that we don’t deserve to make money for our work.
I still think those are big hangups a lot of us have, but recently I’ve started to suspect that an even bigger one is our fuzzy thinking about thinking.
Therapists as a whole love to think. We like thinking deeply about our patients. Many of us love working with emergent adults in a large part because their neurology has finally blossomed and they are starting to reflect on their thinking. We often enjoy studying and debating the thoughts of major theorists. We even see the value of self-reflection in our work with patients. We like to think about others, the thoughts of others, our thoughts about the thoughts of others, and what great thinkers have thought about the thoughts of others and our thoughts about them. Boy, do we like to think about thinking.
Now I am no exception to this. I see an immense value to thinking, in fact I schedule time during my daily work week where I walk around the Charles and think. During this time I don’t take calls, I don’t check email, I don’t make appointments. I think. I intentionally schedule it during the day to remind myself that thinking has a critical place in my work, and has as much if not more value than a billable hour. And I will often lament to colleagues in academic settings about the need for more critical thinking skills. I’ve had colleagues critique my wanting more theory classes at BC by saying, “these students want classes that give them practical tools that they can use,” to which I respond, “how about thinking? That seems like a pretty good tool to me, when did we stop considering it practical?”
So I am not intending to come across as anti-thinking here. But I have noticed over the past several years who succeeds in getting their private practices off the ground and thriving, and who doesn’t. And the ones who fail are usually the ones who come to consult with me, or then need to “think about it.” I’m very concrete when I talk with consultees, and if they are in job crisis I call it that. I’ve worked with people whose incomes have shrunk by halves over the past several years. I tell them what has worked for me, and offer suggestions, and the suggestions require things like calling people to network or EAPs or insurance providers every day or write a business plan, or any number of other things.
They listen and say they’ll think about it.
Some people will make a lot of money off of those folks. There are dozens of people out there who can tell you how to “visualize” your ideal client, “ideate” abundance, or give you a 5 point plan to success. I’m not one of those people, and so sooner rather than later the conversation peeters out. Because they have a hard time moving into doing something other than thinking and talking. Maybe they’ll write a blog post or tweet a few times, but they get discouraged, because I’m not going to waste their time. This isn’t therapy. I’ll tell you what I think you ought to do. You don’t have to do it, but I don’t have a second set of things I think you ought to succeed in your business. So if you don’t want to do them, we really don’t have a lot more to talk about.
A lot of therapists, myself included, like to try to think and talk our way out of everything. And many things can be significantly impacted by strategic thinking, and thoughtful process. But eventually you have to do some other form of work if you want to be in private practice. We have more autonomy as sole proprietors, but we also can’t just sit in an office hour after hour “just helping people.” This is actually the fantasy I often hear expressed by colleagues, “I just want to help people,” as if the nobility of that entitles one to not have to exert any other effort.
One of my friends has a mentor who frequently says, “don’t confuse worry with effort.” Much of the time I think we confuse worrying with deep thinking, and even more so with taking other forms of action. We think if we worry about a problem either alone or with another that somehow that “counts” as having done something. The idea of sustained effort truly alarms us. I’m talking about me too here. One of the reasons I have a set time in my week to think about things is so that I contain that urge to think fretfully and know that there is a time and a place for me to think about stuff. And then I go on to other activities that are required of me during the day.
Another reason the Charles river is such an important place for me around this is that it is where I run. During the week I walk along it and think, and on the weekends at least once I run along it. But, and this is key, I don’t go to the Charles and think about running.
I can really only tell you what works for me, and incessant and indiscriminate thinking does not work for me, or my business. If someone tells you that there is an easy, simple way to succeed in creating and growing your practice, I encourage you to be skeptical. Creating and growing your business involves taking risks, trial and error, and most importantly sustained effort that is not entirely cerebral. My experience has taught me that you won’t think your way into a successful practice, but you may succeed in thinking yourself into a bankrupt one.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Why Therapy Is Like A Game
Game-playing often has negative connotations in the field of psychiatry. We have all sorts of erudite ways of describing what laypeople call “mind games.” A great example is in the language of Axis II personality disorders. People are borderline, dependent, avoidant, narcissistic, antisocial, and the most FABULOUS of them all, histrionic. These words attempt to describe the psychological conditions which motivate problematic behaviors. Serious business indeed.
But come right out and say that therapy is like a game, even a kind of game, and that gets a lot of hackles up. Therapy is serious business, and games are anything but serious, right? Wrong.
To describe something as a game is not to minimize it or take it less seriously, but I suggest to describe what Bernard Suits calls the “lusory attitude.” This is the state of mind, the psychological attitude, required of any player when they play a game. The most succinct way Suits describes the lusory attitude is to say that it allows the “voluntary attempt to overcome unnecessary obstacles”
An example of this, not mine originally, is that of golf. The activity is directed at achieving the goal of getting a ball into a hole. But instead of just creating an activity where we find a ball and drop it into a big hole, we take the hole, make it small, say you can’t use your hands to drop the ball in but must use a metal club, and start you off hundreds of feet away from the hole. That’s golf, and it is so full of unnecessary obstacles! There is no reason to make it so challenging, EXCEPT that that challenge is what makes it fun, and frustrating, and more fun. And nobody drags you into the wilderness, gives you a golf club and points a gun at your head to golf. It is a voluntary act. People love to, choose to, spend hours with sticks hitting balls from great distances with the hope of getting them into little holes. Why choose to do something so weird and difficult? Because they are playing. They have voluntarily attempted to overcome unnecessary obstacles. They have adopted a lusory attitude.
Life is hard. And for many of therapy patients, life has been extremely hard, and cruel. And yet, how often do we notice that they are making life even harder on themselves in some ways? Perhaps unconsciously, perhaps subtly, but more difficult nevertheless. That neurosis, the reenactment of the past, is what I would suggest is the unnecessary obstacle.
For example let us take PTSD-precipitated by child abuse. The abuse was serious, hurtful, sadistic, real. It happened. But in the case of the adult patient, the abuser is no longer there. The introjects, the learned stuff, the unconscious stuff, that is all there, but the perpetrator has fled the seen of the crime long ago. They were real obstacles, but trauma recreates them as unnecessary obstacles in the here and now.
Another example would be a phobia. Why not be fearful of everything? Spiders aren’t the only thing that we could fear: There’s death, and hurricanes, and black cats, and dirt, and blindness, and the next presidential election. But we don’t fear everything in the world that is or is perceived as harmful to us. Phobias are very specific, that is why there are so many clever names for them. They are again, unnecessarily specific obstacles.
Again, I want to stress that by calling these unnecessary obstacles that I am not at all saying that phobias or PTSD or not serious, painful, debilitating, conditions. What I am saying is that they are unnecessary to the life of the patient. Even as compromise solutions they have outlived their usefulness if the patient is in the here and now experiencing distress as a result of trying to defend against or cope with the past encroaching on their present. The repetition compulsion is a game of both danger and optimism. We do the same things over and over, often with disastrous results, true; but we keep doing it because on some level there is an urge to get it right. And like a video game, the repetition compulsion doesn’t just get defeated one day; rather we get progressively further in the game, acquire new levels and skills.
When our patients arrive at our office, they are in a state of lusory attitude, they are really trying to resolve the problems the best they can, and they have sought out our help to that end. If they are mandated to treatment, this is less likely to happen. But for a majority of patients, they choose to show up. And from a psychological point of view, showing up must be voluntary for therapy to work.
In order to do therapy, we also have to adopt together a lusory attitude. Both therapist and patient volunteer to work together to overcome the unnecessary obstacles. The therapy time and space are in some ways unnecessary obstacles: we choose to limit the session to the 45-50 mins, in a specific office, with only two “players” if it is individual therapy. These may be the warp and woof of therapy but they are also arbitrary distinctions that create unnecessary obstacles. We could rotate different therapists in, or meet for varying times whenever we both want, and hang out at Dunkins, but that would be therapy in the sense we are talking about would it? No, therapy, like games, must have agreed-upon rules.
Although I’m speaking in clearly psychodynamic terms here, doesn’t it seem that more behavioral approaches would find the concept of lusory attitude applicable as well? Surely we don’t try to extinguish behaviors we think are necessary. The behavioral approach also implies that the obstacle (behavior) is unnecessary and tries to over come it.
Having a lusory attitude is not always about being lighthearted, although it can be, but it is about taking play very seriously, engaging in it and often having an immersive experience. Psychotherapists who engage in play therapy with children often have an easier time understanding this than those who do adult psychotherapy. There is a general tone from our profession of, “we need to be taken seriously,” which I think has lots of its roots in the tendency of the medical profession in the past to have considered it less important. And somehow being taken seriously becomes equated with being important or being valuable.
I often supervise interns who repress any sense of enjoyment that comes from making an interpretation that moves a patient forward, or seeing theoretical elements manifest in the treatment, and try to help them see that enjoying the process of learning psychotherapy and learning about the patient is not the same as having fun at her/his expense. As Sutton-Smith says, “The opposite of play isn’t work. It’s depression.” In this regard I agree with him: When engaging in a lusory attitude with patients we are working with them. Removing those obstacles is very hard, dangerous work, and it is deeply and seriously playful.
To add gamers and video games into the mix, I would suggest that approaching video games as an addiction is a step in the wrong direction. This is not to say that I don’t think that some people play video games to the detriment of their lives and relationships. I do think that happens, just like I think people engage in a number of activities at times to the detriment of their lives and relationships. But to label them as pathological is to miss the point. Even if we rule out the cultural incompetency of the clinician around video games which often masquerades as dismissal or villainization, we need to understand that we are in essence asking the patient to adopt the same lusory attitude with us that is often there already for them with video games. We are saying, “don’t play that game, play this game of therapy instead.”
(Unless you have this view of psychotherapy:
Psychotherapy needs to stop taking the lusory attitude for granted. What if we became more mindful of our lusory attitude? We all have them, over coffee with a colleague when we look at each other and say, “this is such a weird profession!” It’s like golf in that respect, it seems; so intricate and complicated with rules we take for granted that make a particular human relationship much more complicated than it has to be. Try that on the next time you are trying to discuss your fee with someone: “I charge you $150 an hour because this is a weird relationship that has intricate rules and is much more complicated than human relationships have to be.”
I think that there are strong parallels between therapy, neurosis, and games, and that the thread that links them together may be the lusory attitude. In games, the design always boils down to a voluntary attempt to overcome and unnecessary obstacle. In neurosis, the attempt to repress intolerable conflicts and feelings creates an unnecessary obstacle even as the patient tries to remove the unnecessary obstacle of those same conflicts and feelings. (Game designers may recognize an interesting resemblance to the concept of iterative design here.) Finally, in therapy, the neurosis or symptom becomes the unnecessary obstacle that the therapist and patient voluntarily attempt to overcome.
What do you think? Does this jibe with your experience as a therapist, patient, gamer or game designer?
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
How To Get An Epic Supervisor
Education shapes our expectations of life and work, and education as it stands currently always involves giving up some degree of personal power. When we’re in elementary school we need to ask permission to leave to use the bathroom. In high school we need to show up at times diametrically opposed to our circadian rhythms. At college we have required course to complete our degree. And in graduate programs for clinical psychotherapy we often have limited to no control over who our supervisor is going to be.
And then when we graduate, we take our cue from licensure boards to a large extent. Sadly, license requirements shape our expectations of supervision. We see it as something we have to have in order to get our license in X number of years. I have noticed that there is a sharp decline in people buying supervision after they get their independent licensure, which does not mean that there is a correlative decline in our people needing it.
So today I want to talk about how to pick a good supervisor for you to have ongoing clinical supervision. If you are still in pre-independent licensure this can be an especially daunting experience, but also an incredibly freeing one. To be clear, you don’t have to purchase private supervision from anyone you don’t want to work with! Read on for some tips:
1. You often get (or don’t get) what you pay for (or don’t pay for.)
If your agency offers you a good supervisory package for free that is great. One place I supervise at provides employees and interns with a free secondary supervisor. Secondary supervisors are the ones who can usually help you most with integrating theory and practice and discussing difficult cases. Most primary supervisors I know may have good skills and an interest in doing the same, but they don’t have the time. Their role has become reduced in the age of managed care to helping you learn the ropes about paperwork, facilitating your first emergency room or child protective referrals, and being held responsible for holding you responsible for productivity. So although these hours count towards your licensure they don’t necessarily deepen your practice for lack of time, not skill.
So now you have some choices. You can take a fellowship or position at an agency that provides secondary supervision, or you can buy it privately. Don’t get caught in thinking it is an entitlement, because those days are gone. Yes, we’re underpaid as a profession, but I suggest you think of good supervision as a benefit valued at between $7200-$9600. If Agency A offers that, but pays less $5,000 less than Agency B, which doesn’t, you are getting a better deal at Agency A.
2. You may already have met your supervisor, but don’t know it yet
If you are one of the many folks who decides to buy supervision privately, take some time to think about the people you’ve worked with already. Did you enjoyworking with your first year placement’s supervisor? Call and ask her if she offers private supervision. Did you love a certain course in grad school? Call and ask him if he does supervision. If they don’t, ask if there are any people they can suggest. Think back to guest lecturers, colleagues you enjoyed working with, that alum you met at an event.
3. Do your research
In this day and age, everyone should have a LinkedIn profile (more on that in a bit.) Mine includes several recommendations from past or present supervisees. Make sure you Google your potential supervisor prior to making an appointment. Yes, Ms. Jones may have her licensure, but if you are interested in providing LGBT-affirmative therapy and she works at the local conversion treatment center, wouldn’t you like to know that before wasting both of your time?
When you contact a potential supervisor, hopefully they will offer to provide you with a reference of another past or present supervisee. If they don’t, ask.
Some of the old guard psychodynamic folks may object, saying that that contaminates your supervisory experience. To which I say, there will be plenty of transference that comes up regardless, and that the focus of supervisors should be on practicing radical transparency, not generating a absolutely blank screen. Supervision often resonates with therapy, but it is NOT therapy. If a supervisor comes off as seeming like a Freudbot, this may indicate a difficulty shifting cognitive frame sets from supervisor to therapist.
4. Know what is important to you
You can learn something from everyone, I truly believe that. However, when I look for a supervisor, I look for someone who provides psychodynamic-oriented supervision. That’s what I do, what I like, and why I became a therapist. If you are a solution-focused or CBT practitioner, get someone who is expert and experienced in that.
If someone says they are “eclectic,” run away. Far far away. If they can’t describe some of the several areas of their interest or competence to you, chances are they are being either vague or seductive. Yes, I said seductive. Supervision is a business prospect, and many people focus on landing a new supervisee to the detriment of both of them.
5. Beware of freebies, private supervision starts with the fee
I’m going out on a limb here, but I strongly discourage freebies. My Contact page warns away the brainpickers. These are the people who want to get something for nothing, and say, can “I just pick your brain for a second?”
No, you may not.
There is a lot of free content I’ve put out there that people have access to, but this is also my work and I need to be paid for it. So if you have done your research, hopefully potential supervisors will have papers published, posts online, lectures, recommendations. If not, please see item 6.
I have strong opinions about this, because I think it shows potential supervisees how to have professional boundaries and value their work. If you are doing supervision to “give back” at a reduced fee, that’s fine, as long as you let the supervisee know that you are reducing your fee and let them know the full fee. But be honest with yourself about this, are you doing it to gratify your self-ideal of social justice, or because you secretly believe that you aren’t worth the full fee, or some other reason?
If you are a potential supervisee, consider this: Do you need someone to help you learn to be a more noble person, a better clinician, and/or a more savvy businessperson? Will having a reduced fee lower your expectations of yourself and the supervisor? And would you like to charge no higher than the reduced fee you are being offered?
If the answer to the last is no, be careful, because this may be a set-up for resentment on your supervisor’s part, and you may both suffer from unconscious false pretenses.
Speaking of fee, I walk this walk, and when I negotiated my fee with my supervisor I negotiated to pay more, because I knew that I would have a harder time later if I didn’t. We then had a great conversation about the limits of this, because obviously she gets to set her fee not I. But it caused her to re-evaluate and raise her fee somewhat, and modeled for me her integrity, flexibility, and willingness to listen and learn. And each time I raise my fee, I bring this up again, and each time the supervision is the richer for it.
6. If you want supervision around private practice, stay away from technophobes.
I strongly maintain that to have a practice in the 21st century you will need to have an online presence, some technological savvy and the willingness to learn about it to work with people from the 21st century. This is even more true in a private practice, where marketing is moving more online every day.
I once had a couple of sessions with a supervisor I was considering starting work with. This was a world reknowned clinician, whose work I respect immensely. In the time between our first and second appointment I included her on my newsletter. Our next appointment she expressed how “astonished” she was that I would contact her that way, and wondered if I was sabotaging the supervision. Fortunately I have been in many supervisions and have a strong ego. That was our last appointment.
I suppose I could have chosen to stay and explore this, but that seems more her issue than mine. I want to have a practice that focuses on Web 2.0 and psychodynamic therapy, i.e. integrating, not pathologizing them. And if those were her boundaries, fair enough. But I’m paying for a service, and I’ll take my business to my current supervisor, who is very professional, very grounded in psychodynamic theory, and subscribes to my newsletter, remarking on every issue.
7. Kick the tires
Having read this, you may be thinking, “I don’t agree,” or “that’s not what I want,” or “what a pill he is!” If so, that’s great! Because that means you have some idea what you are or aren’t looking for. Or you may be thinking, “right on!” One thing my supervisees can probably tell you is that what you read here and what you get in supervision with me are pretty much the same thing. And it seems to be working well for all concerned. You aren’t in grad school anymore, you get to pick and choose your supervisor.
It is okay to try out a few supervisors before deciding. Pay attention to those first few appointments, when you and your supervisor “relax” into the supervision a bit. Do you notice drastic changes from the first week(s)? Do you look forward to supervision, dread it, or find yourself not caring either way? Ask yourself, and your supervisor, how the supervision is starting off. If your supervisor does not bring up how to get the most value out of your supervision in the first few months, bring it up yourself.
If you are having mixed feelings about a supervisor, don’t be afraid to bring that up. But if you can’t bring it up, or choose not to, don’t feel obliged to stay. Supervision is a long, intense and valuable process. No less than your professional development is at stake. Choosing wisely begins with remembering that you have a choice.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
The Uses of Disenchantment
Magic fulfills the wish that we could have powers to be beyond who we sadly suspect we are. As children, magic explains the inexplicable nature of external forces (i.e. parents, teachers, death) and internal ones (unconscious drives, nameless attachments, inconsolable sorrows and consuming rages.)
Anyone who plays WoW, Elder Scrolls, or Dungeons & Dragons, knows that enchanted weapons and armor are valuable items to be gotten. They raise our stats, make us stronger, more intelligent agile, or resistant to harm. They fulfill the wish that we could be more than we are.
That being the case, the profession of Enchanting is a very valuable one to master. To do so is to be able to craft our own items for use or to sell. And to master the skill requires not only enchanting practice, but also the act of disenchantment.
Disenchantment is the breaking down of an enchanted item into its component reagents. In Skyrim this consists of taking the enchanted item and destroying it, which allows you to discover the enchantment. So, for example, if you come across an Iron Battleaxe of Scorching, you have a choice. You can enjoy your new battleaxe which will add fire damage to the physical damage you do using it. Or you can disenchant it, and learn how to imbue any weapon with the ability to do fire damage.
In World of Warcraft disenchanting items is necessary to provide you with the reagents, or raw materials, to do other enchantments. Learning the enchantment is done separately, by training or reading a recipe, but disenchantment is still necessary to break down enchanted items into components you can use for other enchantments. Enchantment operates in the domain of creation and destruction, attachment and loss. I can remember feeling many the hesitation as I was about to take an Epic staff I’d used for months and dissolve into Abyss Crystals. Even though I knew that I was going to get a new weapon with a strong enchantment out of it, disenchantment required sacrafice.
Many patients labor under the illusion that the purpose of therapy is to make you feel good. I have always maintained that that is not true. Therapy is not about making you feel good, but rather about learning how to not to feel good. It’s about learning how to experience and tolerate those unpleasant feelings in a different way than we’ve learned to previously. People abuse substances, food, sex, and yes, occasionally video games because they cannot tolerate feelings that don’t feel “good.” Who wants to feel inconsolable sorrow, thwarted passion, grief, terror, or hopelessness?
And so people come to us wanting symptom reduction, not character building; relief, not the raising of unmentionable wishes and fears to consciousness. At first, we often provide those other things to be sure. A compassionate ear to listen, a calming influence, a holding environment. But in the end, therapists are alchemists and enchanters: Nothing new can be created by our patients without something being destroyed. Something must be given up to create something else.
Consider this: Neurosis is like an enchanted armor that we can no longer use. Maybe we have outgrown it. Maybe it never really fit well but it was the best compromise we could come up with. Maybe it buffed up our strength stats when we really needed more intelligence to play our class effectively. For whatever reason, it is no longer helping us, in fact it has created distress.
Symptom reduction alone won’t solve this problem. It may alleviate our distress for the moment, relieve pain enough to create the “space” between feeling and behavior so that we can begin to do the longer-term work.
That’s where disenchantment comes in. We need to take the item, the neurotic conflict, and break it down into the components that create it. What is the wish and the worry? What causes the guilt? Just what are we so afraid of that we can’t look at it directly?
This doesn’t always have to be painful, and therapists shouldn’t use this as a justification for brutality. But to think that the process of therapy is not going to be uncomfortable and difficult; is not going to take some time and hard work is pretty much delusional. If our enchantments could have gotten us any farther we wouldn’t have given them up. Most addicts and alcoholics would have used longer if they could have. If they could have enjoyed one more binge, party or high, they would have.
Insurance companies love to focus on symptom reduction, and a narrow view of what evidence-based treatment really is. Symptoms are problems to be solved, rather than signposts pointing towards underlying issues. And although this is short-sighted, it is understandable: 10 sessions costs a lot less than weekly sessions. And yet, the most recent research I’ve read indicates that psychodynamic therapy is as effective as CBT and other therapies, and in fact more effective in sustaining longterm change.
Bruno Bettelheim, a psychoanalytic thinker, is perhaps best known for his book The Uses of Enchantment. In it he discusses how the themes of fairy tales often symbolize the real emotional and psychological struggles that children go through. Through the projections of stories, children are able to work through their fears in remote and tolerable ways. In a similar way, Klein speaks of the paranoid-schizoid position where the parent is split into good and bad objects, the fairy godmothers and evil witches of fairy tales.
Disenchantment, from a Kleinian lens, leads to the depressive position. It is where we hopefully get to, despite the depressing name, that point when we realize that people are not either all-good, or all-bad, but both good and bad, nurturing and depriving, gratifying and frustrating. In other words, human. The world seems less magical in some ways, and that is experienced as a loss. Sounds depressing, eh? So what is gained?
There is a practice in Tibetan Buddhism called tonglen. In this form of meditation, you begin by touching the tender spot of whatever is sorrowing or distressing to you. Say you’ve lost your loved one. Allow yourself to feel that grief for a moment, really feel it. What an awful wrenching feeling that is. You may reflect that nobody should have to feel what you’re feeling right now. And yet, all over the world, there are those who have felt that, may be feeling it even as you are right now. So you breathe in, and imagine breathing in all of that grief as if for that moment you could take it into your heart so that nobody else would have to feel it. And then you imagine yourself breathing out comfort and security and everything that is the opposite of grief and suffering to the world and to all those in it who need it. You reverse the cycle of trying to avoid pain and grasp pleasure, and in doing so generate compassion.
That is the use of disenchantment; breaking down our fantasies that we can avoid pain and transmuting it into compassion for others. Imagine if you were to really accept that everyone is human and fallible and mortal. If you were able to walk around tomorrow and remain conscious that everyone you meet is dying, would you treat them in the same way as you did today?
Interested in working with me online or in person? Check out the Gamer Therapy and Work With Me Pages!
And if you want to learn more about gaming and psychotherapy, you can always buy my book…
If Freud Had Played Video Games
This post is dedicated to my supervisee, Alex Kamin, who inspired me to make the connections. I learn so much from my supervisees!
Last night I spent a great deal of time mining for diamonds. They are fairly rare, and can only be mined if you have an iron pickaxe (or a diamond one). This meant that I needed to mine iron ore first with a stone pickaxe, but I should start at the beginning.
Minecraft is a game which now rivals WoW in popularity. It has been around in beta for a while, but now has been released to the general public. The game takes place in what is known as a sandbox world. What that means is that the game world can be effected permanently by the player. Dig a hole and it stays dug, chop a tree down and it stays chopped, plant new ones and in time they grow. As opposed to having a beginning, middle and end, Minecraft can be played for as long as you like. You can play it in single-player mode or log on to a minecraft server and participate in a multiplayer world.
Starting with nothing but her or his bare hands, your character takes materials from the environment and fashions tools, houses, works of art out of these raw materials. That is the crafting part. Once you have fashioned the most basic pickaxe, out of wood, you start to do the mining part. Which brings me back to diamonds.
Diamonds are very rare blocks in Minecraft, and are mostly found at the bottom layer of the world. You have to tunnel through loads of dirt blocks, stone blocks, and gravel blocks. Sometimes you tunnel straight into lava and get burned up. Sometimes the ground beneath you turns out to be a giant chasm and you plummet. Sometimes there is water that floods your tunnel, or monsters if you are looking in one of the world’s many caves.
A lot of time is spent underground, but a big part of the game is to bring the materials back up to the surface. There you make your crafting table, house, and forge. Days and nights pass. At night the monsters from the caves come out and roam the surface, and you’d better be in your house with the doors shut!
This is a very brief synopsis of an amazing virtual world that is already being used in classrooms and by families to provide cooperative and fun learning. You can find one such example, The Massively Minecraft Network, here.
One group who could benefit from understanding and playing Minecraft is psychodynamic psychotherapists, especially psychoanalytically-oriented ones.
For decades, psychology textbooks have used the iceberg to explain Freud’s early topographical model of the mind. It’s the one I grew up as a therapist with, and you probably did too. One version is this one:
The topographical model introduces the concepts of the conscious, the preconscious, and the unconscious. Freud was ultimately dissatisfied with this model, and moved on to his structural theoretical model of Id, Ego and Superego. I wonder if he would have done so if he’d been able to play Minecraft.
Two of the deficits of the topographical model as pictured by an iceberg are its static nature and its failure to locate where and how psychotherapy works. The second deficit derives from the first. Psychodynamic therapy is as the name suggests, a moving process. Now imagine playing the game I described above, and you have a dynamic model. There is the conscious surface that changes over time, is constantly changing and growing, where things are visible. There are the caverns and depths which are the unconscious. And there is the preconscious twilight and night, when the monsters and creatures from the unconscious slip up to the surface and terrify us.
In terms of describing psychodynamic therapy, Minecraft makes that easy too. I have often had a difficult time explaining to a patient what the unconscious is and why I think it is important. But any gamer who has played Minecraft will understand the process of therapy and their work in it in the metaphors of mining. During the week, our patients roam the surface of their psychosocial world. Then one, two, or three times a week, they come into therapy and begin tunneling. Week after week they mine dirt, stone, and occasionally strike a vein of insight. Like iron ore, insight is a necessary but insufficient requirement for change. Without smelting and crafting, iron ore can never become a tool we can use. Likewise, without reflecting on our behaviors and changing them we can never improve our ego functions.
You can explain ego functioning via Minecraft as well, by discussing those above tools. Tools in Minecraft include shovels, pickaxes, hatchets, swords, wool shears and hoes. A hoe is excellent to use in gardening, whereas a sword will not function in the game that way. You can chop down a tree with a pickaxe but it takes longer and wears down the pickaxe more quickly than if you were to use a hatchet. Different ego functions do different things, and the ego defenses are only one subset of the ego functions. Only one of the tools is explicitly made to be a weapon.
And if you lead with your ego defenses all the time you will be disappointed. Take sheep for example. If you kill a sheep with a sword you get one block of wool. But if you shear it with the iron shears you get three wools, and the sheep lives to grow more wool. By the way, if you craft a hoe you can grow wheat, which allows you to domesticate and breed sheep for even more wool. Just so our ego functions, which provide a holistic and dynamic system that allows us to mediate the world and our wishes.
When you start mining you have a wooden pickaxe. You mine stone so you can get a stone pickaxe. You mine iron ore with the stone one. Only iron pickaxes can mine diamonds.
Psychotherapy takes time and effort, lots of time and effort, if you are aiming for more than symptom reduction. Patients begin with the raw tools they started out with, and build on each developmental gain. Often our patients will feel very raw and discouraged, state that they despair of ever getting better, whatever better means to them. When that happens we can remind them that therapy is minecraft. It takes delving and work back on the surface in the real world outside the office. It takes time and patience. Sometimes they will feel consumed by feelings as hot as lava, or flooded by memories like water in a mineshaft. Sometimes it will feel like they’ve lost everything they’ve been carrying and have to start over. But with each set of tools they acquire they’ll find it easier to make their way in the world.
And sometimes they will find diamonds.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info
Occam’s Oyster
The oyster has an amazing evolutionary trick. When a microscopic particle of something or other gets into its soft tissue, it creates over time layer upon layer of nacre, a substance which creates a pearl. What began as an irritant can go on to become a very valuable object.
You are not an oyster.
If something irritates you, you don’t always need to be stuck with it. And although I am a big fan of the cognitive reframe, to use it all the time overlooks that you can often resolve whatever is irritating you by removing it.
Case in point, for the past several years I have used a billing service. They’re great, but there has been something about the process of my patient intakes that irritates me. I have patients fill out an intake form, which they bring in to me. At the same time the billing office has a face sheet they use as well, but they need some information that is not on the face sheet but is on my intake form.
So for the past several years the patient will download my form off the site, fill it out and bring it in to me. I then have to scan the form and fax it to my billing office. To make things more complicated I have several computers and a scanner at home as well as an iPad. You’d think this would make things easy, but I can not seem to get them all to talk to each other the right way to scan something and email it in under 30 minutes. One laptop doesn’t get recognized by the wireless network. The iPad can scan the form but not email it. This has been going on for years, and I had grown accustomed to the irritation as I tried putting on layer after layer of “solutions.” I’d put off scanning the forms until my office asked me for them, which made their work harder, and payments from insurance choppy.
Then it hit me that I am not an oyster. Whenever this irritation came up I had been so focused on trying to make things go more easily, that I had never really taken a few minutes to think about how to make this problem go away. The answer in this case was simple. Instead of having my patients email the form to me, my introductory email to them can instruct them to email or fax it to the office directly. They need regular access to it, and I don’t. They have all of my other administrative paperwork which they keep all safe and secure, so it is actually far easier to have them keep it since they are doing all the billing. I rarely use that initial paperwork, and I’ll always know where it is.
I offer this as a nuts and bolts example of how your therapy practice needs to be evaluated periodically. The whole craziness above is a vestige of when I was doing all of my billing, and something I now realize I was not ready to let go of. And so I just got used to the irritant, ignored it, and hoped it would go away or become less irritating.
We therapists take more irritation for granted than is necessary in our business. We each have a different version of layering on the nacre. One of mine is constantly adding new gadgets and trying to find ways to make work easier, rather than making it go away entirely. I used to spend hours learning the intricacies of a billing software and calling insurance companies, and then I realized I wanted to get rid of the irritation. I researched different services, and finally decided on one which cost a little more, but did a lot more for me. Now I give them 9% of my fee, and in return they keep me credentialed with the insurances I take, send out statements, answer questions from patients and submit all my claims electronically to insurances. Not only do they trap more of my revenue because they can focus on it with more expertise than I, they save me valuable time.
I didn’t value my time as much when I started out, and I am glad I changed that, because I know I wouldn’t have had the time or energy to write a regular blog, do speaking engagements, or write my book this year if I had been chewing on all that paperwork.
So why does it often take us so long to fix systemic problems like this in our practices, or our lives for that matter? I would suggest that the answer is that we don’t value thinking.
I know, sounds crazy on the surface, therapists don’t value thinking? Thinking and thinking about thinking is a big part of our profession. But when was the last time you allotted yourself time specifically to think on something. By that I mean dedicated time where you think through something single-mindedly, not answering emails, talking on the phone, watching television, etc. Most people I coach can’t remember the last time they did that, in fact our coaching appointments are often the closest they come to it.
You don’t have to schedule a specific “thinking time” in your day, although you can certainly do that if it works for you. But in the case above I didn’t do that. Instead I noticed I was getting irritated for the umpteenth time and said to myself, “Ok, stop EVERYTHING, how can I make this irritation go away?” Within a relatively short time of dedicated thinking I identified what the system was, what the problem was, and what the new system would need to be to make the form nightmare go away. Not get less irritating, not more tolerable, but gone.
Look, I’m not saying that everything in life that irritates you can be removed, or even that that would be a good thing. I’m just saying don’t settle for mitigating damage before you’ve tried making the problem disappear. Ask yourself, “am I layering nacre over and over? Is that the best I can strive for?”
Then ask yourself, “am I making time to think, and am I thinking about the things I want to think about when I do?” Sure there are lots of times when you run a business that you’ll need to think about stuff you’d rather not think about; but if that’s how you’re spending the majority of your time then maybe you’re running the wrong business.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Not All Failure Is Epic
In gaming there is a concept known as the “Epic Fail.” Roughly translated this means, a failure so colossal, so unbelievable in its nature, that it will go down in history as epic. Epic failure can be extremely frustrating in the moment, but is almost always funny in retrospect.
Recently I was playing Dark Souls, and I was trying to down two bosses known as the Belltower Gargoyles. Just as you get one down to half health, the other, who likes to breathe fire on you, shows up. Oy. I kept getting killed, which sent me back to a save point, running back up the belltower, and trying again. What kept me going up there was that each time I was surviving a few seconds longer, and each time I was getting the gargoyle’s health down a little more. At one point I started to consistently kill the first gargoyle before the second one finished me off. Finally, through an unbelievable feat of mashing all the buttons, luck, and strategy, I beat them both.
The failure that kept happening was not what I would call Epic Failure. It was certainly what Jane McGonigal et al call fun failure though. It was failure with just enough progress mixed in that I’d say, “Oooh, you’re going to get it,” to the gargoyles and try again. And again. Fun failures in video games are designed to work that way. The game can’t be so hard that the person gives up, but can’t be so easy that you don’t feel challenged. Because if you don’t feel challenged then there is little or no sense of accomplishment.
Heinz Kohut, one of my favorite psychoanalytic thinkers, would probably have a lot to say about video games if he were alive today. Kohut knew that failure was a part of life and human development. In fact, he thought that therapy was full of failure. He talked about empathic failure, when the therapist fails to respond empathically to the patient in some way. Maybe we don’t pay attention enough to a story, or don’t remember something, or start 5 minutes late. These are all parts of the therapist being human, and therefore being unable to stay absolutely in empathic attunement with the patient. This kind of failure is inevitable.
Kohut goes on to say that it is not necessary to deliberately make mistakes and empathically fail our patients, because we are going to do so naturally in the course of our work with them. In fact, to deliberately fail our patients is rather sadistic. But usually we aren’t being sadistic when we forget something, or run late a few minutes, even though the patient may experience it that way.
So first a note to therapists here. In the course of your work with patients you are going to fail a lot. But not all failures are epic. That is not to say that your patients won’t experience it that way. That vacation you’re going on may be an epic failure on your part, as far as they are concerned. Does that mean you cancel your flight plans? Of course not. Our job is initially to help the patient by understanding by empathy the epic nature of our failure from their point of view. We try to imagine ourselves into that moment they are having.
But that doesn’t mean that we stay there. We need to maintain some perspective, have some sense of fun failure, to keep doing our work. By that I don’t mean have fun at our patient’s expense, but rather be able to be lighthearted enough in our introspection to say “Oops, I missed that one,” or “there I go again.” If we can do that we are able to then refocus on the patient. If we instead get sucked into the idea that this is an Epic Fail we will lose all perspective, and actually start focussing on ourselves rather than the patient.
Do you ever say to yourself, “I’m such a bad therapist?” I don’t. Of course, I also don’t say, “I’m such a perfect therapist” either. I do frequently think, “I was not at my best today,” or, “oooh, how come I keep missing that with patients!” This helps me keep perspective so that I can get back in the game as soon as possible.
Whether you are a therapist, a gamer or someone else who is still breathing, chances are that you are failing sometimes. In fact, this time of year with all its’ hype and expectations about being joyful and loving families can make you feel even more like a failure. Some examples of Epic Fail statements that we think consciously or unconsciously include:
- I’m a terrible parent.
- I’m a terrible daughter/son.
- I’m a terrible sex partner.
- I’m a terrible worker.
- I’m a terrible cook.
- I’m a terrible student.
and the list could go on.
If any of those sounds like you, take a moment to reflect. Is this really an Epic Fail? Or are you distorting things? Chances are you are not a perfect parent, child, worker, sex partner, student or anything else. But if you really identify this as an Epic Fail, chances are you are solidifying a form of self-identity rather than accurately appraising yourself.
Why would we do that? Well, one reason is that we learned those messages of Epic Failure as a child. You probably still remember a few failures that can make your stomach churn if you think of them. But as often, I think we grasp on to solid identities, even negative ones, so we can stop working on ourselves. I’m just X, I’m the kind of person who can’t Y, Nobody ever thinks Z about me: These all kill our curiousity about ourselves and help us stay stuck.
Mindfulness is about fun failure. It is about being able to look at ourselves and reflect on ourselves without going to extremes. Mindfulness is about being able to be curious rather than judgmental, having roominess in our minds and souls rather than rigidity. This perspective leads to “Ooooh, I’m going to get that boss down this time.” The other leads to hopelessness.
So try to remember this as the days are getting shorter and tensions may be rising: Not all Failure is Epic. And if we can be right-sized about our failures we can learn from them. We can take an interest in our thoughts, feelings and behaviors rather than judge ourselves. If we catch ourselves saying “what kind of monster I must be to hate Aunt Myrtle,” we can perhaps think, “oops, there I go again. Isn’t it odd/interesting that I feel hatred towards Aunt Myrtle, what’s THAT about?”
Eighty-five percent of the time gamers are failing. And yes some of those are Epic, but the gamer attitude is to view those Epic Failures as moments of camaraderie and learning. In life outside the game, do you treat the Epic Fail that way? Do you seek out others and try to learn from the experience, or do you isolate? There is always some observing ego in the game Epic Fail that is often lacking in our non-game life. And in some ways that is understandable, you can’t always reset in life outside video games.
But consider this: Where there is life there is hope. If this was a true Epic Fail in your life you can still learn from it in time. Failures are inevitable, but with time and perspective they can be instructive as well. In the end I’d say that whether you think you’ve had an Epic Failure or not what matters most is how you move on from it. Who knows, maybe the only real Epic Fail is the one where you give up..
Note: No real Aunt Myrtles were hated in the writing of this post.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
Dopey About Dopamine: Video Games, Drugs, & Addiction
Last week I was speaking to a colleague whose partner is a gamer. She was telling me about their visit to his mother. During the visit my colleague was speaking to his mother about how much he still enjoys playing video games. His mother expressed how concerned she had been about his playing when he was young. “It could have been worse though,” she’d said, “at least he wasn’t into drugs.”
This comparison is reminiscent of the homophobic one where the tolerant person says, “I don’t mind if you’re gay, as long as you don’t come home with a goat.” The “distinction” made actually implies that the two things are comparable. But in fact they are not.
Our culture uses the word addiction pretty frequently and casually. And gamers and opponents of gaming alike use it in reference to playing video games. Frequently we hear the comments “gaming is like a drug,” or “video games are addictive,” or “I’m addicted to Halo 3.” What muddies the waters further are the dozens of articles that talk about “proof” that video games are addictive, that they cause real changes in the brain, changes just like drugs.
We live in a positivistic age, where something is “real” if it can be shown to be biological in nature. I could argue that biology is only one way of looking at the world, but for a change I thought I’d encourage us to take a look at the idea of gaming as addictive from the point of view of biology, specifically dopamine levels in the brain.
Dopamine levels are associated with the reward center of the brain, and the heightened sense of pleasure that characterizes rewarding experiences. When we experience something pleasurable, our dopamine levels increase. It’s nature’s way of reinforcing behaviors that are often necessary for survival.
One of the frequent pieces of evidence to support video game addiction is studies like this one by Koepp et al, which was done in 1998. It monitored changes in dopamine levels from subjects who were playing a video game. The study noted that dopamine levels increased during game play “at least twofold.” Since then literature reviews and articles with an anti-gaming bias frequently and rightly state that video games can cause dopamine levels to “double” or significantly increase.
They’re absolutely right, video games have been shown to increase dopamine levels by 100% (aka doubling.)
Just like studies have shown that food and sex increase dopamine levels:
This graph shows that eating food often doubles the level of dopamine in the brain, ranging from a spike of 50% to a spike of 100% an hour after eating. Sex is even more noticeable, in that it increases dopamine levels in the brain by 200%.
So, yes, playing video games increases dopamine levels in your brain, just like eating and having sex do, albeit less. But just because something changes your dopamine levels doesn’t mean it is addictive. In fact, we’d be in big trouble if we never had increases in our dopamine levels. Why eat or reproduce when it is just as pleasurable to lie on the rock and bask in the sun?
But here’s the other thing that gets lost in the spin. Not all dopamine level increases are created equal. Let’s take a look at another chart, from the Meth Inside-Out Public Media Service Kit:
This is a case where a picture is worth a thousand words. When we read that something “doubles” it certainly sounds intense, or severe. But an increase of 100% seems rather paltry compare to 350% (cocaine) or 1200% (Meth)!
One last chart for you, again from the NIDA. This one shows the dopamine increases (the pink line) in amphetamine, cocaine, nicotine and morphine:
Of all of these, the drug morphine comes closest to a relatively “low” increase of 100%.
So my point here is twofold:
1. Lots of things, not all or most of them drugs, increase the levels of dopamine.
2. Drugs have a much more marked, sudden, and intense increase in dopamine level increase compared to video games.
Does this mean that people can’t have problem usage of video games? No. But what it does mean, in my opinion, is that we have to stop treating behaviors as if they were controlled substances. Playing video games, watching television, eating, and having sex are behaviors that can all be problematic in certain times and certain contexts. But they are not the same as ingesting drugs, they don’t cause the same level of chemical change in the brain.
And we need to acknowledge that there is a confusion of tongues where the word addiction is involved. Using it in a clinical sense is different than in a lay sense– saying “I’m hooked on meth” is not the same as saying “I’m hooked on phonics.” Therapists and gamers alike need to be more mindful of what they are saying and meaning when they say they are addicted to video games. Do they mean it is a psychological illness, a medical phenomenon? Do they mean they can’t get enough of them, or that they like them a whole lot? Do they mean it is a problem in their life, or are they parroting what someone else has said to them?
I don’t want to oversimplify addiction by reducing it to dopamine level increase. Even in the above discussion I have oversimplified these pieces of “data.” There are several factors, such as time after drug, that we didn’t compare. And there are several other changes in brain chemistry that contribute to rewarding behavior and where it goes awry. I just want to show an example of how research can be cited and misused to distort things. The study we started out with simply found that we can measure changes in brain chemistry which occur when we do certain activities. It was not designed or intended to be proof that video games are dangerous or addictive.
Saying that something changes your brain chemistry shouldn’t become the new morality. Lots of things change your brain chemistry. But as Loretta Laroche says, “a wet towel on the bed is not the same as a mugging.” We need to keep it complicated and not throw words around like “addiction” and “drug” because we want people to take us seriously or agree with us. That isn’t scientific inquiry. That’s hysteria.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info.
A Moment of Light in Dark Souls
For centuries the general thinking was that the world was flat, but by late antiquity the world was commonly accepted as being spherical. Although it is a myth that Christopher Columbus proved that the world was round, it was much easier for seafaring cultures to conceptualize the earth as round, because they were able to measure and base their perceptions on additional observational evidence. And so it was for the next 1800 years or so we labored under this second delusion.
Two weeks ago the English version of the video game Dark Souls came out. I was one of the nearly 280,000 people who bought it the first week, and it has been growing in popularity ever since. The game is in many ways a traditional “dungeon crawl,” with the emphasis on the “crawl.” Your character dies in Dark Souls, a lot! The game is billed as “Probably the Second-Hardest Game You’ve Ever Played,” by Matt Peckham of PC World. I can attest to that.
The world of Dark Souls is one where the Flame that lights the world has almost vanished, and the player awakens to find themself as Hollow, or undead, in an asylum for the undead in the north of the world. Over the course of the game’s beginning, you fight your way through other groups of other undead, dragons, and demons in a quest that presumably has something to do with restoring the light and warmth to the world. I say presumably because the game offers few instructions, and emphasizes the experience of “throwness” in the game world.
You can save your progress at bonfires, and use the soul and humanity fragments you win from killing creatures to level up and restore yourself to a human being. However, each time you do that, the dungeon resets, and every single creature you killed returns to life, and I swear they learn from their experience of fighting with you. The game is not an MMO in a traditional sense, but you are connected to other players in some interesting ways. You can see their last moments of a fatal battle as their specters dance through your game, and if you are human, you can summon the spirit form of another random player into your world to help you fight.
This is a story about that. (Although all identities and locations are heavily disguised to protect privacy.)
I had been trapped in the Undead Burg for about a week. My pyromancer had been slowly leveling up but was very weak. I had a wooden shield and battered axe that I had scavenged off of one of the fallen undead. I had lit a second bonfire and managed to learn how to dodge the firebombs thrown by zombies as I tried to make my way to the Taurus Demon. But usually I ran out of life and health flasks before I got to him, and when I did he one-shotted me, and seemed little more than irritated by my chops or fireballs. What’s worse, there was this horrible Black Knight that kept ganking (slaughtering) me halfway there. I knew the Knight was guarding some nice treasure, but I could only get him down to half-health before I would be sent back to my bonfire, stripped of all the soul points I had accrued. My axe was getting battered, and was probably going to break at at any time.
I looted a scrap of humanity from a undead, and ran back to my bonfire. I offered it up to restore my human form, and when I did I noticed for the first time some glowing white runes written on the floor. I later discovered that these are summoning runes, which can only be seen when you are fully human. I clicked on the runes, and a few seconds later a warrior bathed in golden light appeared. Chibi was his name, and he was one of those transparent spirits summoned from another game somewhere to help me. We couldn’t speak or chat with each other, but he signaled his friendly intentions by hopping up and down and I by running around in circles.
Chibi was level 53, and I was level 8, so I followed him as he tore through groups of undead that had taken me hours to get a handle on. I was excited and emboldened by his prowess, but I still felt uneasy when I saw that he was actually making towards the Taurus Demon. As we ran by the tunnel that the Black Knight hides in, I had an idea. I stopped, and after a few minutes Chibi turned around and came back. I ran to the tunnel mouth and began hopping up and down vigorously. Chibi ran down the tunnel past me, and began attacking the Black Knight, while I hung back and hurled fireballs. Within a minute the Knight was down, and I looted a magic ring, and then with surprise the Black Knight’s Sword! Compared to my axe which did 40 points of damage, the magic sword did 200!
We continued on to the Taurus Demon, but since I wasn’t skilled enough yet to equip the new sword, the demon took a lot of damage from Chibi and then at about 25% health killed me again. This sent me back to my bonfire, and Chibi back to his own game. But I had a new sword to inspire me, and I was about to set out to level myself up to use it when my PS3 blinked that I had a message from Chibi. I hadn’t realized people could send each messages, and when I clicked on it I read, “Sorry. I killed it right after you died.” I wrote a message back saying, “No worries, killing that Black Knight was a great help.” I added Chibi as a friend on the network, and then realized I could open a chat window with him. We spent the next half hour chatting.
Chibi’s real name was Taylor, and he was an iron worker in Montana. Taylor was 36, and had just got a promotion at his factory which he was very proud of. He worked 12 hour shifts and came home and gamed. He did not tend to go out of the house other than that. Taylor lived by himself, and had moved from to Montana from Pittsburgh 4 years ago, when his girlfriend and their unborn child had been killed in a car crash. He had not talked for three of those years.
Taylor credited therapy with helping him recover from a depression that nearly took his life, and a grief I could not imagine. Although he did not credit playing video games as helping him, I asked him if he thought they might have. He said he didn’t know, he really couldn’t remember those years of his life. Rather he remembered them the way trauma survivors often remember things, as memories of facts with shards of feelings sticking out of them. He didn’t want to burden me with doing “work” and I told him not to worry about it. He asked me about my life and family, and was very open and accepting of my story which was very different than his.
By now it was midnight in Massachusetts, and although it was earlier in Montana, he had a morning shift at his factory. We logged off and I went to bed.
In the days that have followed I have leveled up my pyromancer to 25. I can handle the Black Knight’s Sword and sliced through that Taurus Demon and a Red Dragon to boot. I have moved from the Undead Burg to the Undead Parish, discovered bonfires and short-cuts, and somewhere along the line I have learned how to play Dark Souls. I occasional see the anonymous flickers of other players flash through my game, nameless imprints of their last battle in some game somewhere in the U.S., Japan, or the world. I have seen Taylor come online from time to time, and although I haven’t sent him a message I have no doubt that I will at some point.
As I talked with Taylor I imagined how my colleagues often thought about gamers. I wondered if they would have focussed on how many hours he played video games and his isolation rather than his resilience, helpfulness and initiative in Dark Souls. Would they focus on our focus on violent games or sword size? Or would they note the themes of repetition compulsion, our attempts at mastery, our playing out the endless cycles of life, death and rebirth?
The world is not round, it is hollow and full. It is not the one world we think we perceive, but hundred of overlapping worlds, layer upon layer of human struggles and stories, connected by time and feeling and, yes, technology. There is a world where therapists from New England live, where iron workers go to work in Montana every day and look forward, not back. There is a world where pyromancers run through abandoned cities and struggle to release a fire that will warm the world, where warriors grow stronger over time and adversity. And every once in a while, if you have an open mind and heart, light from one of these worlds bursts through, and warms the other.
Like this post? There’s more where that came from, for only $2.99 you can buy my book. I can rant in person too, check out the Press Kit for Public Speaking info
What Google+ Could Mean For Therapy
Every technology reveals the hand that shaped it. The technology of the 21st Century is no exception: Social Media has proliferated because human beings are inherently social creatures, even when that sociability takes on different forms. And the explosion of access to information was detonated by our own curiosity.
For better or for worse (usually worse) our ability to engineer and zeal to use technology usually outstrips our ability to behave well with it, and in a large part I believe that this is what spurs on our refinement of it. Listservs are a great example: They allowed amazing access to online community through emails and postings, and they elevated the concept of “flame war” in comments to a new level. Eventually, email and bulletin boards were insufficient to allow us to be sociable, and Web 2.0, with its emphasis on interactivity and real-time community was born.
And then Facebook, MySpace, Friendster and other social network platforms quickly outstripped the listserv and bulletin board. The emphasis became on finding and connecting with old friends, acquiring new ones, and maintaining a steady if sometimes awkward flow of real-time announcements, status updates and feedback to them. The online world expanded exponentially, and in fact that interactivity and information became overwhleming.
Which brings us to Google+.
For those of you who have not had the pleasure, Google+ is a new social networking platform (and in many ways much more than that) which has brought a new level of functionality to online social media. Although it is still in beta, the number of people participating in the largest usability test in the history of the world is growing by leaps and bounds. If your patients have not mentioned it, it is only a matter of time before they do, and that alone should be a good reason to learn to use it. But in fact, Google+ has already begun to show me how valuable it may be in actual treatment.
So today I want to introduce you to two of the core concepts of Google+, Streams and Circles, and show you how each of these may present you and your patients with an arena to talk about psychological concerns and skills in therapy.
Circles
The Google+ system of circles is as powerful as it is flexible. Whereas on Facebook you really had only one big group of people called your Friends, Google allows you to create and label various circles, such as “Friends,” “Colleagues,” and “Family.”
The interface let’s you drag the name and image of different people located on the top to one or more of the circles below. When you mouse over the circle it expands to give you an idea of who you have put in it. And if you drag a person to the grey and white circle on the far left, you can create a new circle, one which you label yourself. For example, I have a circle for “Minions.” I’ve always wanted minions.
This graphic representation of the way we can and often do categorize people in our life may allow our patients to visualize the decisions and boundaries they struggle with in real life. This can be especially useful with patients on the autistic spectrum. We can begin by empathizing with them when we upload our 1000 email contacts, and discover that we now have an overwhelming 1,000 individuals to make sense of. Who goes where? Is everyone a friend? Can we put people in more than one circle? Decide to take them out of one and into another, like say out of “acquaintance” and into “friend”? What sort of circles might we want to create that Google+ didn’t give us?
People with Aspergers often have exceptional spatial reasoning, and can find mapping out relationships very helpful. Now they have a dynamic way to do this, and a visual representation of how unruly and confusing social relationships can be. Even though we can use this only as a powerful metaphor and coneptual tool, we could go even further. Inviting a patient to bring in their laptop and taking a look at Google+ could be a helpful intervention. We could help them explore and decide how to set up their own personal boundaries and affectional investment.
Or imagine for a second you are working on emotional regulation issues with a patient. You can encourage them to create circles like “love them,” “Push my buttons,” “scary,” “feel sad,” and help them take a snapshot of their life at any given time to see who they want to put in each circle. Do some people go in more than one circle of affect? Do they notice that they are taking people in and out of circles frequently, or never?
Or imagine working with social phobia, and trying to help the patient brainstorm what activities they might want to try to invite someone to. They can create circles like “Go to movies,” “Have dinner,” “Learn more about them,” and other options for various levels and types of engagement, and then they can sort people into those. And all of a sudden they also have a visual list of who they can call when they are trying to socialize.
Last example, working with trauma and/or substance abuse. Circles can be created for “Triggers me,” “Can call when I want a drink,” “My supports,” “self-care partners,” etc. Then populate each with the people in their life, so they have a ready-made resource for when they are in crisis. It also can be very illuminating to share and explore this in therapy, allowing you to make comments like, “what do you make of the fact that most of the people in your family circle are also in your triggers one, but not in the support one? What do you think you could do about that?”
So these are just a few quick examples of how you can use the Circle concept of Google+ to understand your patients better, help them understand themselves better, and use social media to intervene in a variety of situations.
Streams
In Google+ circles go hand in hand with your Stream or Streams. A stream is a stream of comments, updates, links to information, invitations, photos, video and other media, posted by people in your circles. It is probably important to note here that similar to Twitter, you can invite people into your circle without their permission, but that doesn’t mean they will invite you back. And you can set each circle to have different levels of access to your posts. In other words, circles and streams together allow you to learn and set boundaries. Here’s what a Stream can look like:
This is only the fraction of the incoming Stream, which gives you a sense of how multimedia, interactive, and possibly uninteresting some of it could be sometimes. Much like Twitter, or like life. If we had to pay attention to everyone all the time in the same way, we would become very fatigued. Like our patients with ADHD, we would be overwhelmed despite our best attempts to understand at times. Again, we can use this technology that our patients may be familiar with to begin to deepen our empathic attunement with them. But it gets even more interesting.
If you look at the upper left-hand corner under Stream, you will see a list of your circles, in this case family, friends, acquaintances, etc. Now if you click on any of those circles, the Stream changes. Specifically, it changes to list only the posts from the people in any given circle clicked. This synergy between circles and streams highlights not only the importance of privacy, but that focussing our attention is inherently a social as well as cognitive function.
Imagine working with an adolescent and reviewing their streams together. What sorts of media, comments, and concerns are streaming through their lives at any given moment? And what is the consequence of having 500 “friends” in their friend circle? Do they feel intimate or able to attend to all of these friends? Or are there some times that they may be more interested in attending to some friends than others? If so, why? Might it be time to start to rethink what it means to be a friend? Is it ok to select who they attend to at certain times? Do they really find the content they get from A interesting? And if it is consistently uninteresting, does that say anything about their relationship? Sorting through Streams to make sense of their world quickly becomes a talk about sorting through their values and their relationships.
For a second example, let’s return to the patient with ADHD. Perhaps they could create circles for “School,” “Fun,” “Work,” “Family,” and sort people that way. That way when they are doing work for school they can focus only on the Stream for the School Circle, which may contain links to papers, classmate comments, or lecture recordings from their professor. If that stream starts to have too many other types of posts, maybe that is an indicator that someone is in the wrong circle, or that they need to only be in the “Fun” one until that paper is done. Remember the circles are easily adjusted back and forth, so this is neither difficult or permanent to do. But these types of decisions and focussing techniques may be crucial to staying on task. (For those of you who might be ready to suggest that they not need to follow any Streams when they are studying, I encourage you to take a look with them at how much academic content and collaborative learning is done online before you rush to judgment. It’s not always just “playing on the computer” now.)
Other ways that you can use Streams to help your patients therapeutically may come to mind if you reflect on the names of their circles. Do they really want to follow the Stream of posts from their “Pushes My Buttons Circle?” Maybe they’d rather tune into a steady Stream from their “Supports” circle instead? And what might happen if they created a circle for “Intimates” that only contained people that touched them in deeply meaningful ways? Could they still enjoy their “Friends” Stream, but switch to a “Skeleton Crew” one when they are needing to simplify their social life?
We make these decisions all the time, we just aren’t always conscious or overt about it. And if we don’t make those decisions, we often suffer for it by overextending or stressing ourselves. We need to have boundaries and filters. We need to be able to focus and set limits and values. These needs have begun to be more clearly revealed by the technology of Google+. Knowing about that technology may improve our ability to treat our patients.
Don’t Run Your Practice Like An HMO
I was surprised today to get a letter from a local insurance company, authorizing payment to me for a session I’d done in September of last year. I wasn’t sure whether to be annoyed or laugh (I decided to laugh) and as I was grumbling about insurance companies I realized that they have taught me what to do and not do with my own billing.
Let’s face it, most therapists don’t like billing and most therapists don’t like insurance. (If you’re not a therapist, read on anyway, you might find it interesting.) Insurance companies are as a rule very difficult to deal with. They make us go through elaborate credentialing processes to join a network that pays us a fraction of our fee. And when we submit claims they often hold on to them for months, delaying our payment. Or they reject the claim because of some technicality, or request a half hour conversation with us to review the treatment so that they can find a reason to stop paying for it. Insurance companies are insulated by layers of administration and bureaucracy, and finding the person to answer the question or authorize treatment can take forever. In fact, the whole premise of insurance has been to have a large enough risk pool of paying clients that they can offset the damages they incur and still make a profit. In short, insurance companies are avoidant, outdated, and hostile to claims.
So why are we just like them?
Therapists groan about insurance companies, and yet we often act just like them when it comes to running our business. We avoid filing claims as long as we can, so that we’ll get reimbursement checks that are bigger and “worth the effort.” We avoid streamlining our billing processes. And we are extremely hostile when it comes to having to file claims to get paid.
Don’t run your practice like an insurance company. Instead, here are some suggestions for you:
1. Don’t delay your billing by unnecessary process. Take a few minutes to look at the way you process bills. Are you writing them down in a ledger, maybe more than one? Do you try to sort things by insurance company rotating different companies at different times of the month? Do you have elaborate formulas for payment plans for your patients’ co-pays? (That’s insurance fraud by the way.) Do you have a calendar that you transfer to your ledger? Or if you have a software program do you enter the same data in several different places? If you are doing any of these things, you’re wasting your time. Come up with one strategy and stick with it, and cut down the number of steps that any strategy you come up with has.
2. Don’t avoid by storing up your accounts receivable. You hate it when an insurance company sits on your claims, don’t do the same thing when it comes to your own accounts receivable. Don’t store up and hoard your accounts receivable to bill “later.” Your patients and you both deserve for you to bill promptly even if it is a $15 co-pay. Don’t drag out your co-pay billing for more than a month at most. Aside from sending a devaluing message to your patients, (“I don’t need that tiny amount of money”) it adds up and can become a source of anxiety to them. Bill out in smaller amounts on a regular basis, and if you don’t, ask yourself what your behavior is expressing about billing. Storing up your accounts receivable may present you with bigger checks later, but irregular ones. For people who know the value of consistent structure, we certainly drop the ball on this one, and then what happens? You see your bank account is low and you say, “I’ve got to do my billing.” And even if you send it out that day, you’ve just set yourself up for a few weeks of anxious trips to the mailbox to see if the money has finally arrived.
3. Don’t treat patient payments like a risk pool. When it comes to billing, don’t rely on a few consistently paying patients to help you avoid billing the rest. If you allow patients to carry a balance set a dollar figure that is consistent across all of them. Mine is $400, because I know that if a patient carries a higher balance than that I may start to get annoyed and that will create static in the treatment. My billing office thinks my limit is too high, but it is what has worked for me and allowed me to be consistent. By all means set your own limit, but don’t have 30 different billing schedules and expectations for 30 different patients! It isn’t fair to the ones who pay regularly, and it also isn’t fair to the ones who don’t. And it also isn’t fair to you. This may work for the insurance companies, but it definitely won’t work for your business.
4. Do your billing every 1-5 days. You heard me, every 1-5 days. None of this once a month or every few weeks or “when I have to” stuff. You’re in business and businesses bill their customers promptly and regularly. And here’s what’s really cool, if you bill every 1-5 days after a while you’ll begin to get paid every 5-7 days. That’s it for this one, 1-5 days, no excuses.
5. Do lose the paper. Not as in misplace it, but as in get rid of it! Many of you are probably saying to yourselves, “he’s crazy. I don’t have time to do all that paperwork every few days!” There’s the problem, you’re still using paper! Start billing electronically, most insurance companies have that capability, and there are plenty of software programs out there that can help. When I used software I would send out that days appointments at 5:30, took 15 minutes. The first few times you will need to spend more time on it by typing in things to the program’s database, but after that it goes pretty quickly. And if you can get in the habit of typing in the first part of the intake the day of the intake, that’s even better.
6. Do use a billing service. I saved the best for last. If you don’t want to do billing yourself, fess up to it. It’s a reasonable business expense to have. I haven’t missed the money I pay to my billing service CMS Billing one bit. The amount of money they have captured for me (including the check from last September) has probably offset what I pay them. In addition, they do all my billing intakes, insurance authorizations, credentialing and customer service for billing questions. The time they have freed up has allowed me to develop workshops, write this blog, and engage in other creative and lucrative aspects of my business. Remember that when it comes to owning a business you need to spend money to make money. Don’t be a tightwad, hire a billing service. Then you won’t have to worry as much about the technology part. But bear in mind that they can only bill as quickly as you report accounts receivable to them, so you still need to do that every few days.
As I write this, 97% of my accounts receivable are under 30 days. I get my money with regularity, and my patients know what to expect when they reach the $400 mark. This is possible for you as well! As this fiscal year draws to a close, take some time to take stock of your billing practices. If you’re acting more like a lending company or an HMO it may be time to change.
Exploring the Mystery of Suicide: Video Book Review of “In Her Wake.”
Epic Mickey and Frittering
The last week I have had a blast playing Epic Mickey; two blasts actually. In the game you’re Mickey Mouse, and your primary tool is an enchanted paintbrush, which sprays two different substances with very different effects. The first is a magical blue paint, which can make invisible things real, and make an enemy in the game turn blue and become a friend. The second is a magical green paint thinner, which can make real things invisible, and thin an enemy into nothing.
There are good reasons to do both of these things, but the unnecessary obstacle in the game is that there is a limited amount of paint and thinner, and so if you use too much too quickly, you have to wait until a cooldown replenishes it, or until you find a power-up. Power-ups, in case you aren’t familiar, are items in the game you can come across that replenish your health, and in the case of Epic Mickey, your paint supply.
The game is a Wii game, and so the motion controller is how you aim the paintbrush to paint or thin. And when I started playing it quickly became apparent that I was going to have to get better at aiming if I wanted to accomplish anything before running out of paint/thinner.
Epic Mickey teaches therapists, gamers, and anyone else who wants to learn through video games some important lessons about living life and frittering away your resources. The game has very simple mechanics, but life often has more complicated ones. Fortunately, this video game can help serve as a meditation on mindfulness and achieving goals.
Lesson 1: Paint Vs. Thinner
When approaching a problem, relationship, or business, it isn’t always immediately apparent whether to add paint or thinner. Do we need to add more stuff or clear some off our plate? Will additional effort reveal opportunities that were invisible moments ago? Do we need to process more with our partner, or less? Perhaps we need to simplify, reduce or focus our practice niche? Maybe we need to remove an obstacle, rather than spray creativity all over the place. One of my favorite paint thinners in real life is Occam’s Razor, which has been often interpreted as “the simplest explanation is most likely the correct one.” Or to put it more like it was originally intended, we should try to avoid any unnecessary pluralities, and tend towards the simpler theories or applications. Sounds like thinner to me, who would have thought Mickey Mouse to be a Scholastic thinker?
And to make things more complicated, Epic Mickey shows us how if we can’t make up our minds we will go back and forth between paint and thinner, undoing anything we may have started and wasting time and effort. So whether we decide we need to add something or take something away, we need to commit to a course of action, or we’ll be confusing dithering with effort. In Epic Mickey so far, I have found that many problems can be solved in a variety of ways, some using paint, some using thinner. I suspect life is like that too.
Lesson 2: Keep an Eye on Your Power Reserves
In the game, you always have to keep an eye on your paint and thinner meters to make sure you pace yourself and don’t run out. They will replenish automatically over time, but slowly. In my business I can attest that this is also true. I usually have a couple of irons in the fire, but I have learned to pace myself. I remember a few years back I was seeing 25 patients a week, supervising three interns and therapists, teaching two classes, taking another, sitting on 2 commissions and trying to write. I had to learn the painful lesson that I was doing a subpar job of every one of these because I wasn’t prioritizing, and perhaps more importantly, I wasn’t allowing time for replenishing myself. Nowadays, I try to pace myself and make time to do fun stuff, like running at least once a week, playing some games, spending time with my family chilling or getting a massage, eat regularly and get enough sleep. Not only are these things rejuvenating, but if I can resist multitasking they block off time so I don’t get exhausted and put out subpar work.
Are you keeping an eye on your reserves? And more importantly, are you willing to give up a few things so that you can devote more time to living life and having fun so you have the energy to do others? I certainly didn’t want to give up any of the activities I was doing, I liked doing them all, just not all at once. Often I hear colleagues say “I just don’t have enough time to simplify and relax,” as if it is a luxury rather than a choice. Sure giving up a couple of things is going to discombobulate you, especially if you’ve learned to pride yourself on being busy. But you won’t run out of paint as often.
Lesson 3: Keep an Eye Out for Power-Ups
In Epic Mickey, time isn’t the only way to replenish, there are treasure chests with power-ups. When I recently defeated the Clock Tower Boss, the way I did it was to keep an eye out for power ups, and sometimes pass up what seemed a perfect shot to get a power-up. In the long run, keeping an eye out for the things that power you, your relationship or your work up will be worth foregoing the perfect shot. This is especially true in relationships: It can be very hard for us to resist zinging that perfect shot, but backing away and taking time to do something replenishing will usually make things turn out more harmoniously!
What are your Power-Ups? Is it a massage, a walk in a botanical garden, meditation, playing Super Mario or spending time with your kids? It’s your responsibility to figure out what these are, make a little time for them regularly, and do them even when you aren’t feeling totally depleted. Pay attention to what happens when you do certain things, eat a certain way, or take something else into your being. Do you double in size and power? Become able to hurl fireballs? Defeat previously impossible monsters? If so, chances are whatever you just took in is a power-up.
Lesson 4: Focus stops Frittering
Last, the more targeted you are in what you’re trying to do, the less wasted energy and resources you’ll have. In life, like in Epic Mickey, you often need to aim for something. Sure, sometimes random efforts yield surprising results. When it does, huzzah, but that’s no excuse for not trying to be focused. Mindfulness is in a large part about focusing your mind and body on something, letting distractions drift by. Use the Force Luke–if you don’t you will probably find yourself feeling depleted, frustrated, and confused as to why.
Yes, focusing means giving up on something else. Frittering means giving up on everything while deluding yourself you haven’t. Parents who become obsessed with quality time rather than choosing a game night are frittering. Saying you want a committed marriage while you’re out every night drinking beer with the buddies is frittering. Complaining about managed care and lower fees rather than marketing your business or helping a forward-thinking candidate is frittering. And there are a thousand other ways that all of us confuse dithering with effort. So pick something and try to focus on it single-mindedly. At least that’s what works for Epic Mickey, and can an 83 year-old mouse who can still defeat monsters and jump over chasms be all wrong? I think not.
Save and Continue
Recently I was playing God of War III, and noticing something I take for granted much of the time, the savepoint. This is something that has become so integrated into video games that gamers hardly notice it after we discover what the particular “savepoint” looks like in the game we are playing. The saved game has been around for decades, and has become increasingly important as games have grown in length and complexity. I was reminded recently by Nancy Rappaport, a colleague and attending psychiatrist at Cambridge Health Alliance about how the concept of the saved game may not be taken for granted. I was trying to explain to Nancy during a workshop certain gaming concepts, and she was explaining that her point of reference in playing video games was Pac-Man, and in a general sense video games from an arcade setting that early on didn’t always have savepoints, where the player was asked if they wanted to “Save and Continue.”
This may be useful to remember when you are becoming frustrated with a gamer who is not as concerned with the quantitative time (bedtime, for example) as they are with the qualitative time of getting to the savepoint. But that actually isn’t what this post is going to be about. Instead I want to return to the concept of what makes an Epic Therapist here:
Epic Therapists remember the importance of saving and continuing.
To start with, therapy is in many ways a savepoint. At certain times in their lives or week our patients arrive at our office, pause, and take stock of things. In his 1914 paper “Remembering, Repeating and Working-Through” Freud alludes to this when he remarks that “In these processes it particularly often happens that something is ‘remembered’ which could never have been forgotten because it was never at any time noticed–was never conscious.” Like the savepoint in a game, the patient arrives at the place for the first time, understands how important it is to hold on to that progress, and remembers or saves it from repression. But part of what makes therapy therapy is the therapeutic frame, and at some point the session ends, and the patient goes back out into the rest of their life. They can’t just stay at the savepoint, they have to continue.
Readers have probably noticed by now that I draw frequent parallels to psychoanalytic theory and video games, and this is no exception. Our profession has a rich theoretical history that has grown from individual therapists learning from each other, disagreeing with each other, building on the prior work of each other and diverging from each other. Psychology as a field to flourish has had to frequently “save and continue” by writing these theories down in journals and now blogs, to take stock of what we have learned, but we’ve also had to move forward and continue to challenge pre-existing models. It can never be just save or just continue: To just save would stagnate our thinking and practice, and to just continue would mean we never consider thoughtfully the work we are doing.
In many ways, the problem with healthcare has been few if any savepoints, discouraging providers from taking time between patients to reflect before continuing on to the next patient. Interns in mental health agencies have many no-shows, and with no infrastructure to hold patients responsible to keep their appointments, these interns “continue” through the years where they should be receiving the most training with a fluctuating and diminishing number of patients to practice their craft under supervision.
Ask yourself this: If you were about to have open heart surgery and the doctor told you that he had only had the opportunity in medical school to practice the procedure 3 times because most of his patients cancelled or no-showed, would you feel confident in their ability? And yet we crank our interns through graduate programs based on the number of years rather than skills acquired, because the healthcare system is flawed and and patients are not held accountable for missing/cancelling appointments. This isn’t the interns’ fault, they are trying to get through to their knowledge and experience “savepoint,” but graduate schools and placements inadvertently become the parent shutting off the light because its “bedtime,” and we are producing generation after generation of clinicians who have had inconsistent or insufficient practice. This is continue without the save.
On the other hand, let’s take a look at the radical save mentality that permeates our profession. There are certain parts of the way many of my colleagues practice psychotherapy which have become extremely fixed, and I too fall prey to this at times. The 45-50 hour, a certain therapeutic stance, and my favorite, shunning technology. They bar their adolescent patient’s cellphones at the door rather than exploring who is texting them, refuse to consider Skype as an option let alone suggest it to their patients.
I frequently get referrals emails from several listservs, looking for therapists in Seattle, London, or Singapore. I enjoy practicing in-person therapy immensely, but does it ever occur to these colleagues to consider beginning to practice online as well? Why refer a patient to someone in Taiwan based on location when you could have one of your colleagues whom you know and respect take the patient on? On occasion I reply to these referral requests asking if the patient would be interested in Skype, but for the most part I’ve become reluctant to do that because I am pretty sure it doesn’t go anywhere. In terms of technology these psychotherapists are often in a lock-down save mode, and I foresee that they will resist change as the world continues without them.
My friend and colleague Susan Giurleo and I often find these things frustrating, and I realized today one reason why we may have this in common. We both went to Connecticut College in the late 80s early 90s, between the college presidency of Oakes Ames and Claire Gaudiani. In fact our graduating class became known as “the folks who knew Oakes.” And during this time our college had a motto that was drilled into all of us: Tradition and Innovation. Everywhere we looked, in all the college information and stationary were those words, tradition and innovation. Save and continue.
I have definitely tried to live that in my profession and my life of the mind. I’m a psychodynamically oriented therapist who uses Twitter and plays video games. I teach my students about Freud and Facebook. And I think that perhaps the affinity I find in the fin de siecle of the 19th century is how its denizens struggled to save and continue, to embrace the advances of technology then as we do now in the 21st century. In a recent article at boston.com Chris Brogan alluded to this when he said, ““The excitement for me about [social media] is, it’s gone from ‘Gee whiz!’ to ‘Now what?’ ”
Technology is here to stay and embedded in our lives, and today, like after the Industrial Revolution, we must learn the “now what?” To do this we can’t just rush forward and forget everything we ever knew, but we can’t stay stuck in a mindset from the pre-IBM world. Web 2.0 has arrived, and we need both tradition and innovation if we want to progress.
We must save and continue.
What I Learned at Pax East.
For those of you who aren’t in the know, Pax East is a 3 day event founded by Penny Arcade a great website for online comics and other fun stuff. Pax East takes place in Boston, and this is it’s 2nd year. It is a huge convention which had approximately 70,000 video, tabletop and PC gamers. Last year I went to Pax East because I had finally decided I needed to take gaming and gamer-affirmative therapy seriously as part of my growing practice. I had always thought video games were fun, but it was only over the past 10 years that I had come to see that they could be life-changing.
I had discovered firsthand how World of Warcraft, Mario, and Zelda had helped me recover from a terrible job loss and re-evaluate what I wanted my work and life to be like. I had met dozens of gamers in-game and out who were recovering from various life struggles through gaming. I met soldiers stationed in Iraq who were gaming to keep their morale up or stay in touch with their families. I met LGBT people who had come out and found community for the first time in a Warcraft guild. I met people who had fought off isolation in other countries by raiding with loved ones at home. Still more had survived a divorce, discovered a way to rebuild confidence when they’d lost the ability to walk, or taken the first steps to socializing when their autism had stigmatized them and all seemed lost.
I also began to meet a growing number of young men and women who were refusing to be labeled as addicted or abnormal by virtue of their gaming experience. And I began to wonder what it would be like if as a therapist I came out as a gamer and helped people begin to take video games seriously.
At the same time I began to realize that I needed to take my career more seriously, because I had decided to start a full-time private practice. I had had a part-time practice for over a decade, but it always felt like a hobby. And so when I began to float the idea to family and colleagues I was amazed by their response.
They took me seriously.
Anyone who has launched a business can probably identify to some extent. You spend a lot of time wishing, and then daring, and when you finally decide to tell others you find that they have a far easier time taking you seriously than you do yourself. It was as if the company I’d helped built, my education and my CV were all fluff in my head.
If I had a hard time imagining myself as a independent businessman and a full-time private practice therapist, you can imagine how hard it was to imagine being a successful therapist who specialized in video games, virtual worlds and social media. Sure I could justify playing video games with children I worked with, but a gamer-affirmative therapist? This was a harder row to hoe. I had people thinking I meant online gambling and referred gamblers to me. I had colleagues who pretended Facebook didn’t exist and glazed over when I told them about the social media company I had helped develop. And most often I had this response.
“Oh, I don’t know anything about video games.”
This from colleagues who were throwing out the term gaming addiction willy-nilly. So I knew that I had a couple of choices, keep quiet or begin working with gamers and educating psychotherapists about what video games actually are, and what they can do for us. And I decided that if I was to really try to educate people on video games and doing therapy with gamers, I’d have to take myself seriously. And that is where Pax East and Blizzcon came in.
Where better to meet gamers than in those places? And what better form of continuing education for me than to see what is happening in the gaming world? This was part of the work I wanted to do, and the only thing holding me back from engaging in it seriously was that I felt guilty for having fun. From graduate school and continuing education I had learned that education was serious and not necessarily fun. But when I took the plunge I found that the money I spent on travel and the conferences was totally worthwhile, and the people I met were really interested in my work. This is something my colleague Susan Giurleo wrote about recently regarding another such convention that she is going to, SXSW.
I’ve learned a lot in the past two years. Last year at Pax East I didn’t have nearly as much fun as I did this year, because I felt like I needed to be there every minute and take everything seriously. This year I went Friday and picked a few things I wanted to do, like attend Jane McGonigal‘s keynote speech. And I took fun more seriously and learned more. I got a sneak peek and play of the Nintendo 3DS. I got to watch the amazing new XBox Kinect game Child of Eden. I walked around all day with a Plants Vs. Zombies traffic cone on my head. I participated in the largest massively multiplayer thumb-wrestling match in world history! And all around me I saw happy and energized people playing and socializing with strangers.
I was reminded of the things I tell my supervisees all the time, that if you aren’t enjoying yourself in your work something is wrong. Because enjoying yourself helps you achieve a state of believing that success is possible. And that the people who settle for less in their work get less. Such optimism is crucial, because running your own business takes a lot of time and effort. I have never worked as hard at a job in my life, and I have never loved what I do as much as I do now.
The Gamification of Psychotherapy
In the 19th century Sigmund Freud revolutionized the fields of neurology and psychiatry. Whether you agree or disagree with the particulars, psychoanalytic theory, and the psychodynamic theories that sprang from it changed the way we understand the human mind. Freud pioneered our understanding of the psychosomatic illness, conflicts, drives and the unconscious, to name but a few of the ideas that still influence theory and practice of psychotherapy today.
The way Freud came to understand and then attempt to help us understand these ideas was by applying other theoretical models to our psychology. The industrial revolution, with its steam-powered hydraulics and locomotives powered by internal pressure, heavily influenced his beginning work of trauma affect and drive theories. His famous topographic model of the psyche, with its strata of conscious, preconscious and Unconscious, was inspired by the advances in geology and archaeology of his day. In short, the technological advances of his time informed and shaped the way he thought about and worked with people.
Now we are in the 21st century, which is new enough that saying it still fills us with amazement. The revolutions in technology continue, and I want to begin applying some of these technological advances to my theory and practice. I have blogged a lot about games, and today I want to discuss the application of game theory in understanding the human psychology.
Gamification is the act of using the elements of game design and applying it to other parts of human existence. We have seen gamification begin to be used in businesses like IBM and written about in the Harvard Business Review. MacDonald’s has been using gamification with its’ Monopoly game for years. The Army has been using viedo game technology to gamify our defenses. Socially Serious Games like Against All Odds are being used to educate people about human rights and global conflict. So can gamification be applied to psychotherapy?
I think so.
In her new (and excellent!) book Reality Is Broken, Jane MacGonigal reminds us of the concise yet brilliant description of what a game is according to Bernard Suits. Suits states that “playing a game is the voluntary attempt to overcome unnecessary obstacles” in his book The Grasshopper. An example of would be chess where we agree to use the playing pieces on the board, the unnecessary obstacle is that each type of piece can only move a certain prescribed way, and we attempt to overcome this in order to capture the king of our opponent.
One example of gamifying psychotherapy is if we posit something similar: Psychotherapy is the voluntary attempt to overcome unnecessary obstacles.
Psychotherapy must be voluntary to be successful. If the patient refuses to engage in the process either by physically or mentally absenting himself, therapy will not happen. Yet even people mandated to treatment can benefit from it if they agree subconsciously to engage with us. Adolescents who are dragged to treatment will sit with us in stony silence week after week because they are not there voluntarily. Sometimes we can get a part of them to come out and “play,” i.e. engage with us. And if we don’t want to work with the patient for some reason, it makes treatment next to impossible.
Patients come to us because they are attempting to overcome something. They don’t just drop in because they wanted to read the magazines in the waiting room. Something in their life has caused them pain, sadness, anger, discomfort and they want that to stop. They may have noticed a pattern of bad relationships, they may be having traumatic flashbacks, they may be encopretic. But something in their life outside the therapy office has seemed insurmountable, and they want our help in overcoming it.
Which brings us to the unneccessary obstacle. I would suggest that in many cases the symptom is the unnecessary obstacle. Whatever the behavior might have been in the past it is no longer necessary now. As a child, hiding their body or mind may have been necessary to keep themselves safe from an abusive parent or sibling. As an adult, their tendency to dissociate in meetings and avoid success at work is an unnecessary obstacle. As a teen a patient may try to control an out of control environment in order to feel a sense of self. As an adult they may seek to control their bodies through disordered eating or self-injury for much the same reason. The challenge here is that the patient continues to go through life unconscious of this and acting as if the obstacle was necessary. In a sense they are playing out (albeit very seriously and sometimes fatally) something outside of the playground.
Huizinga referred to the “magic circle” of play, within which the game unfolds. Therapy, with its 45-50 minute hour, office setting and professional boundaries, is such a magic circle. If you don’t take the idea of play seriously, you will probably find this analogy offensive. But in my opinion play is very serious. In psychotherapy, patient and therapist become earnestly engaged in the immediacy of what happens. People become ghosts of other people, monsters appear, and ancient kingdoms rise up from beneath the waves for a day. I believe that most people who have been in treatment will be able to recall the immersive and powerful experiences they have had there, experiences which have felt tragic and heroic. Hopefully the patient leaves the magic circle having changed, the unnecessary obstacle is overcome, and life gets better.
We live, as Freud did, at the threshold between two centuries. We live, as Freud did, in a world story frequently punctuated by war. I imagine that back then things felt as difficult, healing seemed as urgent as it does today. People came to Freud then, and us now, to help them overcome unnecessary obstacles that were ruining their lives. Freud benefited from applying the diverse technologies of hydraulics, geology and archaeology to understand the human condition; and I believe that we can benefit from applying ludology and game theory to the serious business of therapy. Gamification will not be used to “lighten up” treatment but rather deepen it. Patients who play video games may respond better to leveling up than treatment planning, power-ups as opposed to coping strategies. Virtual worlds may serve as practice for real ones, just as therapy has served as practice for other relationships.
Freud was an Epic Therapist. He researched and synthesized what was going on in the art and science of his day in order to do better treatment. Today’s Epic Therapists will need to do the same, and that means having the courage to play with technology, games and ideas. Our resistance to doing so is an unnecessary obstacle we need to overcome, and our success in achieving this will be an Epic Win for our patients and our profession.
Real Life, Ego Defenses & You
Anna Freud, Sigmund Freud’s daughter, greatly expanded on her father’s theories of psychoanalysis. Perhaps one of the most memorable ways she did this was in her exploration and cataloging of the ego’s defenses. In her work “The Ego and the Mechanisms of Defense” in 1937, Anna laid the groundwork for understanding the ways we cope with internal conflicts between the way things are and the way we wish they could be. She initially came up with nine general categories, which I reproduce here from a great resource on www.changingminds.org :
- Denial: claiming/believing that what is true to be actually false.
- Displacement: redirecting emotions to a substitute target.
- Intellectualization: taking an objective viewpoint.
- Projection: attributing uncomfortable feelings to others.
- Rationalization: creating false but credible justifications.
- Reaction Formation: overacting in the opposite way to the fear.
- Regression: going back to acting as a child.
- Repression: pushing uncomfortable thoughts into the subconscious.
- Sublimation: redirecting ‘wrong’ urges into socially acceptable actions.
Ego defenses are numerous, and range from the most primitive (repression) to the most evolved (sublimation.) When I say primitive, I want to convey that they are the earliest we acquire developmentally, not the least useful or most pathological. And it is important to remember that all defenses are useful, and that the ego is using the best resources it has to cope with any given problem. Later thinkers would begin to specify and amend this list, but it was the first attempt to explain how the ego helps the human mind make the unbearable bearable.
When I assess patients who play video games, I am always very interested in which spells or actions they employ when they game. The reason I am so interested is because many of these spells and actions are directly parallel to certain ego defenses. If a warlock uses Fear a lot, I may wonder if they are inclined toward projecting their anxiety onto others, as a result of a world view that sees others as more powerful and scary than they are.
I also like to explain to patients the way they seem to be using their ego defenses in terms of these spells or abilities. For example, if someone always wants another member of the therapy group to go first in checking in, I may explain this displacement in terms of the Hunter’s ability Misdirection. Often gamers can understand the ego depenses exceptionally well, because these defenses are clearly illustrated in the way they play the game. Therapists working with gamers would do well to ask their patients what their class is (Warlock, Hunter) and then the spells or abilities they enjoy or use the most. Likewise, shifts in using different spell rotations or changing class can often indicate large shifts in the ego and character development of the patient.
And now a word about real life.
Real Life, is a concept used by both gamers and therapists. Gamers talk about how they can’t raid because they have a “RL obligation.” Therapists talk about a patient’s reality testing, and their ability to participate in real life. Real life is a useful concept, and like many useful concepts it is often misused.
I often hear therapists describe gamers as people who are trying to avoid “real life” by using games. The implicit judgement in this statement is that games are not a part of reality, and therefore are less than. But this seems like a false dichotomy to me, in many ways similar to the way therapists often talk about how therapy is not real life. Of course it is! Therapy has distinct rules and boundaries, and it is a rarified form of relationship, but it is not of a different substance than that of “real life.” If it were truly a different thing, it is unlikely that patients would gain anything useful from it.
By the same token, games are part of real life. World of Warcraft is inherently social, there are over 12 million real people playing it all over the world. Gamers deploy real skills to solve real problems and their neurological responses to an “Epic Win” or “Fail” are real physiological responses. This is not to say that the gaming part of a patient’s real life can’t get out of balance with other parts. But it is not a given, and it is not different from the way others use their ego defenses. We all use repression and sublimation to cope with the conflicts and anxiety that occur in daily life. I recall a clinical professor of mine who sublimated her murderous impulses by reading murder mysteries. Hurling fireballs in WoW is an excellent way to prevent oneself from hurling objects or insults in real life. The defenses are there for a reason, and they are not inherently bad.
If you are a therapist and you are seeing your patient who games as someone who is not paying attention to their “real life,” ask yourself if you are not perhaps projecting. Many therapists have a great deal of difficulty finding balance in their own lives. They may find it easier to say that a gamer needs to “get a life,” than to realize that they are projecting their own feelings of disregard for themselves onto gamers. By this I mean that therapists often overvalue the work they do in proportion to their family, friends, and other areas of their lives. For example therapists often will see too many patients at a sliding scale fee while their children are impacted by their lower income: They overvalue their therapist role and their parental role suffers. Other therapists may have a difficult time making time for friends or having conversations that go beyond 45 minutes, they may listen but not share of themselves. And still other therapists may neglect exercise and meditation because they don’t have the time, but overbook their work schedules.
Before we can help gamers appreciate the need for balance in their lives, we need to empathize with what they are doing. They are relying on the areas of strength they have in themselves when they game, and are reluctant to go to the areas that need development. We therapists do that too, if you don’t believe me just ask your spouse or child if they ever feel like you are using your therapeutic abilities on them!
Let’s be careful if we have to use the idea of “real life” at all. It is often a veiled judgment, and veiled judgments are often projections. Let’s go with Wittgenstein here, who began his Tractatus Philosophicus by stating “The world is everything that is the case.” Privileging some aspects of life over others is often the first step towards the oppression of others, be it race, gender, orientation, class, or I would suggest, gaming. It certainly won’t help our patients get any better.
And it may just make our own lives worse.
Some Beginning Games for Therapists to Try
This Video Blog was inspired by friend Carolyn Stack, who asked that I recommend a iPhone game to ease her into the world of iPhone gaming. Here are a few of my favorites and why you might want to try them: